The joys of living and working in a non-toxic environment

We hear so much about work/life balance in the workplace.  Companies are rated on how employee-centered they are.  It's a good thing.

I'm at the point in my life where my stress level is low - and I've been intentional about creating the safe, no stress zone in which I both live and work. 

My husband and I, thankfully, are on the same page when it comes to reducing stress, eliminating drama, and just overall enjoying the peace that we've established in our home.  We both know what we won't tolerate, and what I've found out - at our ages, those annoying things/people/conditions tend to remove themselves from you.  Drama queens and kings aren't provided a comfortable space in our lives.  

I learned, when you present yourself as a person of peace, who, when solicited, will communicate and provide peaceable solutions/advice that turns out to be the opposite of what the solicitor wanted to hear/do - they tend to leave you alone.  In the same way that it is said - the quickest way to get rid of someone who asks for a loan - is to give it to them. They show themselves for who they are - and *poof* they're gone.

My work in human services over the years has provided me with many experiences where I served the marginalized and underserved population.  The stress was high at various points.  There was anger, frustration, and sometimes, feelings of utter hopelessness.  There were times when, at the end of the day, I went home emotionally and physically drained.  I saw the suffering up close, and there were times, try as I might, that my own frustrations came to the surface.  If a client became agitated and verbally abusive - it was part of my job to help deescalate the incident - utilizing my training in Crisis Prevention Intervention.  I accepted that as business as usual.  And my skills as a mediator would kick in - and 7 times out of 10 - we were successful.

Going to work every day, knowing that on any given day you might get yelled at by a disgruntled client, or a client having a mental health crisis - takes a toll on you.  I realized at the top of 2020, that I'd become extremely sensitive to sudden outbursts, even when they weren't aimed at me.  Just being in the vicinity of the chaos was unsettling to my spirit. No one likes to be yelled at. And I don't like to hear anyone else getting cursed out and threatened.  A colleague and I were threatened with physical harm last year by a client who was diagnosed with a concurrent disorder, and was having an episode. We pressed charges.  The whole process of pressing charges was stressful, but necessary.

The time finally came when I knew I had to leave that toxic environment and seek a work space more conducive to my mental and physical well-being.  My decision was made even clearer when my coworkers and I were lined up, as if in a firing squad, and literally blown to bits - verbally - by our ED on a conference call - who, (re)acting to hearsay, distorted facts and lies - decided we were all guilty of all the charges. (Believe me, the problem raised was neither a breach of agency policy, client endangerment, negligence of duty, nor life-threatening - things for which one might be reprimanded). But it was the most vile display of bullying and disrespect I had ever witnessed. And no one was allowed to speak on their own behalf.  The ED had the entire executive team and the director of HR on their side of the call - on speaker. It was meant to humiliate and inflict fear - and force allegiance/obedience  to a decision that had been made.  OR ELSE. We were told we could submit our 30-day resignation right then if we didn't agree.  It was hateful, and sadly, laughably petty at its base.

I thought to myself - I'm not taking this from clients AND my employer.  There's not enough money on the planet for me to be abused. Period.  I remember telling my husband that there are folks in my past who had had GOOD reasons to curse me out and call me everything but a child of God - but did not.  I had received the grace I'd been given back then, and have sought to pass it on to others.

Truth be told, I'd been searching for months for other employment opportunities (I knew I wasn't long for that job). Two months later, I resigned from that toxic place.  As I left the premises, I exhaled deeply. I felt so light and so free. Today, I am free, and have absolutely no regrets.  I'm able to work as I please, doing what I love.   My new environment provides me with the work/life balance and the peace of mind I require. I am recognized as the professional that I am, and my work is appreciated. There is mutual respect, and support. There is no one yelling, accusing, misrepresenting, lying or bullying me in my current space. There will never be an occasion for that to happen again. The environment is far too chill for that!

My home life is calm and beautiful. I firmly believe you can create your own heaven right here on earth - where there's love and peace at home.  You need only to communicate honestly, openly with your partner, and be intentional with your actions when establishing your safe, stress free environment. I won't lie - it takes work and time. For some, conciliation is a gift. However,  where one partner may have the gift and be skilled, both  partners must be willing.  Even arguments are handled well - and settled quickly because - both parties want to protect the peace!

I've purposed in my heart that, going forward, my space and my environment will always welcome others who are like-minded. Toxic vibes and drama are strictly forbidden over here!

Be well! Protect your mental health! Stay safe!

I Came Back to Let You Know (Change Is Here)

I'm watching my grown children react to these continuing atrocities against our skin color in 2020. And I'm proud of the way their activism and advocacy for human rights for black people is manifesting in their lives.  This is for all the marbles - and I'm so glad to see the curtain pulled back, the wool removed from eyes that haven't seen or wanted to see - and the solidarity from every nation, kindred, tongue and people all over the world!

These are unprecedented times we are living in. I've been hoping and praying this day would come. And against the backdrop of an incompetent president, an ailing economy due to the COVID-19 pandemic - these heinous crimes against black bodies, perpetrated by racist whites (police and others), provide the perfect storm for the protests, riots - and finally, the justice that is long overdue. 

I'm happy to see this in my lifetime. The joining of forces between peoples of all ethnic groups, backgrounds and walks of life, brings me the sense of peace that there will be a better world for my grandchildren. That, at the very least, racial profiling and police brutality - and even microaggressions against blacks/people of color - will NOT be tolerated or shrugged off, as before. 

As a parent of black children, I had to educate them about the hatred they'd have to endure simply because their skin is brown - and how to navigate through systemic racism. It pained me when I thought of how just having to teach my kids what I call "racial self defense" - in order to "get along" at school - was not what I imagined we'd have to do when we started our family. It was not only not OK, but it was not something white parents had to think about.  To know that it was my duty as a black parent to protect my children as best I could by telling them things that children should not have to be concerned about - because other children were being taught to hate by their parents - sickened me.  Their father and I could not, as responsible, loving parents, let them go out into the world without the knowledge that there would be some people who would actually mean them, and do them harm... 

And harmed, they were. Emotionally, mentally.  It was like it was a part of their birthright - because their father and I, too, were discriminated against as children, and their grandparents and great grandparents before us. So, they were also harmed -because they are black in a majority white society (that is getting browner by the day, by the way, and subject for another discussion).  And today, they each have stories they are sharing - that their former classmates (white) are reading about on social media - seeing the way life was/is for them for the first time. 

I am proud of my children because, though they internalized these incidents of discrimination and hatred because of strong faith and familial support - they have had an acute awareness and have spoken out against injustice since they were teenagers. I'm saying I am proud that they utilized their coping skills through all of the madness, because what they did not do - what black people are generally "expected" to do and goaded into doing - is react - hate for hate; retaliate - destroy. My son's experiences were disturbingly different from his sisters'. He was tested and tried far more viciously as a black male and could have been another statistic. But God! All in all, the three of them never became that overused label "angry black..."  as if black people don't have a reason or a right to be angry.  [Make no mistake - we be angry, though.]

What they have become are educated, law-abiding, responsible, and responsive adults.  They reject the status quo, and are making their voices heard.  They are showing up and raising the awareness where there is ignorance. They are boldly calling out racists and using their platforms to edify those who want to know.  And they are providing solutions.

I'm proud of them. Their father would be proud, too. He would be happy to see this day. And although I have hope that this wave of change will do major damage to the antiquated racist systems, evil policies and inequitable practices in the criminal justice system  - I do know that dark days are still ahead.  Ah... but this light I'm seeing at the end of this particular tunnel, at this particular time in history is the breaking of a new day.  There is a shift in the atmosphere, an alignment of millions of conscious minds who stand together in agreement. The power surge is palpable.

Change is here. And not a moment too soon.

#BlackLivesMatter

Famous Last Words

Well - for sure the words in this post will be far from famous, but they are my last under the moniker The Woman In My Attic. I finally read the email from the good folks at Google+ - about how these pages are shutting down and will be no more as of April 2, 2019. They say it's due to poor usage and lack of maintenance, etc. I can't argue with that.

But what I will say is - for me - sharing my thoughts openly this way has been a life-saving experience. And the closing of this chapter of my writing life might really push me forward to writing my next book. And who knows? There may be even more books inside me after this!

I came to this blogspot in 2011 - but, it wasn't my first try at blogging. This was my third attempt, and I titled my very first post For the Third Time .  Yes, actually, I'd tried to blog as early as 2009, when my late husband was still alive; and even opened an account for him as we sought to start our online Bible ministry. Bro. Wynn was a great thinker and teacher. It took me several months to come back to this - to somehow carry on with the plan without him. It morphed into a different kind of passion, and writing in this way allowed me to formulate my views, strengthen my own beliefs and share what I've learned.

The page also helped me maintain my sanity - writing has always been a cathartic release for me. But most of all, my hope is that someone out there was encouraged by something I said over these nearly 8 years.  I pray that seeds were planted, hearts were touched, and healing took place...or curiosity was piqued to know more about the LOVE of God; I hope someone was motivated to seek the truth - for themselves.

I'm choosing to call it a day two months before they shut it down. They say photos not backed up will be lost, so on and so forth.  However, as long as the url is alive - I hope you'll tell a friend to come on over and have a read.

In my experience as a lifetime reader and a longtime writer - you never, ever forget the words that gave you pause, courage, joy and hope!

May God bless and keep you, and give you peace!

Bridget G. Wynn Edwards
Pilgrim Journey

Jesus Didn't Name His Followers "Christians"

But don't take my word for it.  

It's written in the Bible when and where the disciples were given that name. In Acts 11:26, believers in Jesus Christ were referred to as Christians. And, it wasn't given as a compliment, but as a harsh nickname.

Jesus referred to those who followed His teachings as His disciples, and gave the great commission to the twelve to go, and make disciples of all people (Matthew 28:19; Mark 16:15).

What has happened during the 2000 years since Christ's time on earth has been nothing short of incredible. I use incredible for sheer lack of a better, more descriptive word - and it's not positive. But it bears my overall view of the blasphemous actions that have been perpetrated against human beings broadly, in the name of Christianity,and more specifically, in the name of Jesus for centuries.

Because of the vast discrepancies between what "Christians" do/have done and what the Bible actually teaches, I have struggled with whether or not to identify myself as a Christian.  The teachings of Christ and what has been taught in the modern day church that bears His name, are far from each other.  What I've discovered is, many people don't know this because they get all of their "Bible" from the pulpit.

I came to terms with not needing a label years ago and divorced myself from denominational-ism. Just couldn't find any one of the hundreds listed in Scripture. Instead, I focused on what Jesus said about the characteristics of His true church. And there are many references. One of my favorites is found in John 15. Jesus is the vine, and His believers, are the branches...and He has chosen us to bear good fruit...and we are to love one another! WOW! Further, through the Apostle Paul in Galatians 5, we are given the actual attributes of the fruit... the fruits of the Spirit (the Comforter who also teaches us and provides us with the power to do the will of God); verses 22-26 breaks it down:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (New International Version)

Focusing on what Jesus said, through the Holy Scriptures, has helped me move beyond traditions that have no meaning, and practices that do not demonstrate the Love of Christ. I have come to the conclusion, through my own study of the Word as I have sought the truth, in the face of all the falsehoods that are still being preached from pulpits - where congregations uphold and worship men and material goods and are encouraged to do so because they've been hypnotized into believing these "spiritual leaders" are appointed by God - that I'm simply a believer in Jesus the Christ who taught us to love one another. 

So Christians don't necessarily have to love one another, or follow the teachings of love thy neighbor as themselves, or doing unto others as they would have others do unto them. Their actual origins are false. Man made. Or, at the very least, they have gone astray.  But if anyone reading is interested, the good news is - it's not too late to get back on track. 

If you're interested in following Christ, you will probably have to leave your comfort zone. And you MUST study for yourself, and pray for the Spirit of the Living God to guide you. You might be criticized, and worse. But that's how you'll absolutely know you're headed in the right direction.

But don't take my word for it. (John 15: 18-25)

Today, and Forever - Let there be Love!

The devotional calendar - appropriate for today & forever!

There are probably a million verses that tell of the infinite lifespan of love, when love is real.

I've learned, happily, that love - true love - never dies. And at the risk of sounding trite, I can testify that love breathes on through us and those we bring into this world and others we  touch. In fact, love multiplies!

I am a student of this thing. I'm also a teacher and facilitator - a mediator, a person who seeks to sprinkle in exact proportions, the love and knowledge of love to others as they have need.

I can't say enough about love - I am today, and every day, full of it! Grateful to have had copious amounts of love throughout my 6 plus decades on this planet, even during times when I didn't appreciate it. Humbled because, my God! I know I am so unworthy!

As broken as I am in the flesh, I stand with my head held high because I am whole in the Spirit! I recognize the Power that allows me to stand - is Divine. And my gratitude today is heightened by the memory of the dear soul, the late, great, R. Lamont Wynn, whom God sent in human form to woo and ask me for my hand over forty years ago. We married on this date, in 1979. It was Super Bowl XIII (Pittsburgh Steelers 35, Dallas Cowboys 31)!!

When I reflect on the 31 years, 3 months and 18 days we shared as husband and wife, all I can do is smile. I learned  of the wonderful, complex, intricate, awesome and sometimes mysterious ways of Love - God's Love - through that union. Please believe me that love and loving is better, stronger, and freer because of the peace and joy I have within. Because of the Love I receive beyond measure daily - from the Original Lover of my soul!

There is no disappointment too great, no sorrow or burden too heavy, and nothing that cannot be forgiven when there is love everlasting, rejuvenating, regenerating and replenishing the heart, mind, body and soul.  I pray love everlasting for all!

Something We Can Do to Increase Love in 2019

"Day Ones" and "Riders"

In today's speak, your  'A-1 from Day 1' or 'Rider' (as in ride or die) is a best  friend from the start - until the wheels fall off. I've written elsewhere in this blog about my ever-evolving understanding of myself and my friendships over the years. And I have amassed quite a number of friends throughout my life.

But there was a moment, coming upon five years ago, when I realized who my real friends are. My father was ill for a brief time at the end of 2014, and died in January of 2015. I had moved to the east coast and most of my friends and family were on the west coast. During the days before my father's memorial service when people typically gather in support of the family, we were surrounded by beloved friends and family. They were so loving, and took care of my mother and us.

It wasn't until afterward, when my husband asked me about the absence of some specific individuals who were my friends - that I realized something I hadn't even thought of:  my actual Day Ones had shown up for me and my family in our time of bereavement. Friends I'd known for over 40 years - college roommates and classmates from elementary and high school. People with whom I hadn't even been in constant communication; some only via social media - some via their spouses who are on social media. These wonderful folks rallied when my family needed them, and came all the way through.

Their love and devotion through the years cannot be quantified, and I can't thank them enough. Nothing is more precious than friends who truly stand by you, defying the separation of space and the passing of time, under any circumstance. So when I reflected on my husband's query - about the folks who were missing, who knew and had had fellowship with my father and mother - who knew that my father had passed away, I had this revelation: the people with me here now, will be with me for the whole ride.

I'm grateful. And I declare that I'm a rider for each of them!