The "Single Young Male" Situation

In my observations of the social landscape in the 21st Century, a trend has emerged since the late 1980s that has stunted the natural process of dating, selection, courting, commitment and marriage. The "Single Young Male" situation is a reality that spans across ethnic and racial lines, and he exhibits what I call the "Peter Pan Syndrome", or, as a popular television show coined it: "Mr. Not Ready Yet".

Back in the 60s and 70s, it was typical for a young man, by the age of 26, white or black, to have his high school diploma and/or college degree, a job, and be married to his high school/college sweetheart. They might have been renting an apartment, and saving to buy a home to accommodate the family they planned. This is known as adulthood.

The specific characteristics of the "Single Young Male" is a much studied subject, so the basis of this message is not simply my opinion. Over the course of two years, I have spoken with young women who possess what I term the "3 E's" - eligible, educated, and employed. They expressed their concern about the hesitance, or even, the resistance to any type of committed relationship they are sensing from the male population of equal background.

I've found article after article that speaks to this issue. One author, Kay Hymowitz, editor of City Journal out of New York, in her 2008 publication titled Child-Man in the Promised Land, presents a lengthy discussion on the behaviors, and the various causes of this decline in interest in marriage and family responsibility that men in their mid to late 20s are displaying. Her research has brought out the fact that the so called "child-man" remains in adolescent limbo simply because he can. The 21st Century SYM is pleased with his "guy-ness" and proud of his lack of pretense.  And there are magazines, video games, television shows and other "stupid fun" distractions that target and cater to this audience, prolonging the arrested development.

Conversely, single women in their mid to late 20s and early 30s are joining an international "New Girl Order" - and adulthood is most definitely apparent. These young women are hyper-achieving both in school and in the increasingly female-friendly workplace, while packing in leisure hours of traveling, shopping and dining with friends.

In my opinion, there are other factors that create this great divide between the sexes at this important time of life. And one has to do with the simple fact that there are many more instances of sons who are raised either by an uninformed or negligent parent or parents; or the parents are overprotective and indulgent. A single mother who does not surround a male child with the proper male role models will sometimes overcompensate for the absence of a father figure, and pamper her son into a state of uselessness. Parents who don't teach their child responsibility, accountability and consequences, male or female, ruin that child for any potential mate. It just looks so much worse when a young man is irresponsible, self-absorbed, and clueless.

Another reason the SYM is not motivated to select a suitable partner to court and marry, is the sheer number of ladies from which they can choose. A young, postgraduate male has a much wider field of "play", because he may select from the younger, undergraduate pool, as well as the older young women who are working and in their graduate programs. It's quite the advantage for the SYM, so many just simply make their rounds without strings attached. This is a major source of frustration and heartache for young women who desire a serious relationship.

An informal study was done at a University in Southern California, where a group of Professors in the Psychology and Sociology Departments noticed this phenomenon taking place over a few decades. They coined a term for it, "The University Male". The profile: mid-20s, graduate student, employed, single - with an aversion to commitment. Race does not matter. It is reported as the typical behavior of young men who find themselves among large numbers of females who would otherwise meet the requirements for an acceptable life partner.

When asked his advice about what young women possessing the 3 E's should do when they encounter "The University Male", one Professor said, "Go elsewhere to meet eligible men. Make new friends. Break away from the pack."  Clearly, this is easier said than done, and to that I would add, "Pray for peace of mind, patience and God's will and guidance."  However, developing new friendships in a different environment that is healthy and safe can be a first step for mature young women who are seeking to meet a marriage-minded, God-fearing man.

Back in the day, a sign of manhood was a man's commitment to his woman, and his eagerness to marry, protect and provide for her and their future family. Though the 21st Century male has the same opportunity to commit and marry a true equal educationally and financially, it is even more blessed for a mature man of God to find a spouse who can also bring the spiritual, mental and emotional balance that a home/family needs.

One simply has to decide to grow up so the challenges and triumphs of responsible, adult life can unfold.