Lynda kicked the kitchen door closed with
her foot as she balanced her briefcase, grocery bags and the days’ mail in her
arms. Lately, her life seemed to be a
cycle of in and out, back and forth, coming and going from the high school where she was an Assistant Principal, to the University where she was working on her second Masters degree – her house was just a pit
stop for a bite to eat, a bath, and a nap.
It had been hard on a sista lately.
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Letting the
burden in her arms slide onto the kitchen table in a heap, Lynda’s eye caught
the note Simon had left under a picture magnet on the refrigerator.
Slipping out of her shoes and padding over to the refrigerator in her bare
feet, she retrieved the piece of paper and read it aloud – “Babe, I’ll
be back around 6:00. We need to have a conversation. Be here. It’s important; love, Simon.”
Lynda looked at the clock, it was 4:50. Simon would be home from his upholstery shop soon. She frowned,
wrinkling her nose at the tone she’d detected in Simon’s note. Things had
become a bit tense between them since they moved in together a few months ago,
and Simon was behaving strangely. He’d
been going to a Bible study group for a while now, and had invited her to come
with him many times but she always made some excuse. Lynda wasn’t pressed to get involved
with “Christians” because she’d seen too many hypocrites in her family, though she
didn’t really mind Simon’s new-found interest.
He was probably the best man she’d ever known, and the way she saw it, a
little Bible knowledge could only make him better. She'd had enough church; she didn’t need any more study. .
They’d met at
a birthday party given by a mutual friend ten years ago, when they were both
married to other people. Lynda had been
married to Jackson, a professor of Anthropology at the University, where she was now attending. They had been married for almost 20 years. Simon’s ex-wife, Tonya, was a marketing
executive at a big time firm. They had hung tough for 18 years. Between Lynda and Simon, they had four
children – Lynda’s twin sons, Marc and Eric, were in their freshman year of college; Simon’s son, Jason, a high school senior, and
daughter, Keslee, a spunky and intelligent 7 year old. According to Simon, Keslee had been their final attempt to save their
marriage.That rarely works.
The drama in
both their marriages seemed to run parallel, from the first signs of discord,
down to the end. And in a series of
events that neither Simon nor Lynda could explain to this day, their paths seemed
to cross at points when they had needed a friendly face, an understanding ear -
just a break from the noise. It was
clear to Lynda that nothing happens by accident, and their concern for each
others' well-being was genuine. They
began to keep in contact from time to time, just to “touch bases” – nothing too
intrusive. Lynda remembered encouraging
Simon to “hang in there,” and Simon, in turn, strongly recommended that she and
Jackson seek marital counseling. Lynda respected Simon’s opinion so highly, that she did drag Jackson into a few
sessions, to no avail.
And then there
were the phone calls that began to last longer than they should have. As time went on, Lynda began to look forward
to Simon’s calls and emails; she could tell by the sound of his voice that he’d
begun to feel the same. But they never 'crossed the line.' Simon and Tonya
divorced a year after Lynda and Jackson.
It had been “Irreconcilable Differences” in both cases; the catch-all,
no-fault divorce. Seemed like before
the ink could even dry on Simon’s divorce papers, Lynda and Simon had started dating.
Against her
better judgment, Lynda surrendered to Simon’s special charms almost
immediately. He loved her, wanted her,
and it was obvious. Because she’d met
Tonya socially years ago, Lynda had a good sense of Tonya’s philosophy on
marriage and family. Indeed, Tonya knew
a lot about Lynda, as well. And Tonya
was an incredible wife, mother and businesswoman, by Simon’s own
admission. Jackson was a great guy,
wonderful father and provider, too, but… And that “but” still clanged and
rattled around in Lynda’s head, a reminder of something she wanted to keep
hidden from herself, perhaps? She couldn't put her finger on it. What had actually
gone wrong in both their marriages was still an unsolved mystery.
Lynda seasoned
the boneless chicken thighs for the broccoli, cheese and rice casserole Simon
loved. Her mind drifted back four
months, after the twins left for college, when Simon suggested they move in
together. He and Tonya shared custody of
their children, some crazy arrangement of half a week and every other weekend
apiece. Simon had a small apartment and
wanted to consolidate their living space, especially since he spent most of his
time at her house. Lynda was against
the living together thing mostly because of Jason and Keslee. It was bad enough
that the children would have to come to her house – but even worse, she and
Simon weren’t even married and had no plans of getting married in the near
future. She was a little surprised that this still bothered her. And her sons
were split in their decision on who they’d rather be with on breaks from
school; Eric preferred her, Marc preferred his father. It stabbed at her heart
a little, not to have both sons during the holidays, thinking about now it made
her shiver. She thought out loud, “What
were we thinking?”
Standing at
the sink, looking out at her backyard, Lynda’s mind traveled across the years
since Simon came into her life. They
shared many things in common. It seemed
their very souls were entwined; something they even said was “ordained by
God.” It sounded good, and it felt
right. Simon showed his devotion to her
in so many ways; Lynda never doubted his heart was hers. She had enough life experience to know that
there are many levels of love, and the heart has the capacity to embrace many
loves within its treasure chambers – but there is one special love above all
others. And as far as she could tell,
Simon was hers, and she was his. “But…”
There was that word again.
The salad was
made, and the casserole was baking with five more minutes on the timer. It would be a simple meal – thankfully, Simon
wasn’t picky. He loved flavorful and
filling home cooked meals. Lynda loved cooking for him. Simon’s ability to
enjoy the simple pleasures in life was part of his charm. There was a gusto with which he dove into
everything that captured his attention, and his heart. This was who Simon was to Lynda. And there was no doubt in her mind that she
loved him.
Keys jangling in the front
door broke into Lynda’s reverie, and in a moment, Simon’s tall, lanky frame
filled the doorway of the kitchen. “Hey Babe,” Simon said cheerfully as he
moved toward her and leaned in for a peck on her lips. “See you got my note,” he nodded toward the
piece of paper on the table.
“Yes,
Simon, I got it. Was wondering why you’d
think I might not be home at 6:00, you know my schedule. Ain’t nothing jumping off after 4:30 on a
Friday!” Lynda laughed, her eyes searching his face for something. Anything.
“Mmmmm, something smells good, what’s
cooking?”
“Your favorite casserole, Baby. It was
quick and I know how you get when you’re hungry,” teased Lynda. They both began setting the table for two and
once seated, Simon’s mood became quiet.
Lynda could tell he was struggling with something he wanted to say. But she didn’t press him. She became aware
that she was still staring at him after he’d finished blessing the food.
And for a few uneasy moments, they ate without speaking. Finally, Simon’s voice broke the silence.
“Lyn, we need to talk about something
that’s been on my mind for the past few days.
It’s pretty important.” Lynda’s own voice could not be found, so she nodded her head to at
least send Simon the message that she was listening. Simon continued, “You know I’ve been going to the Bible study group
every week for the past couple of months, right?” Chewing very slowly, Lynda nodded again.
“And I’ve been really learning a lot from
the Scriptures, more than I even knew was in there,”Simon paused, waiting for
Lynda to respond. When she didn’t, he
went on, “We’ve been studying in the New
Testament about how God wants us to live according to His will, not our own.
But in order to do that we have to know what His will is; and not only that, we
must trust and love Him more than we love anybody. “ Simon stopped for a
breath, then continued, “Now, I know there are things you and I have done wrong
in ignorance, and I can show you from the Bible what they are. But there is forgiveness for us, too, Lyn--
“
Lynda finally found her voice and spoke with a touch of
indignation, “ --Oh, so you done gone and got ‘holy’ on me now? I haven’t done
anything that needs to be forgiven, Simon…I just don’t think so! They got you over there feeling guilty for
nothing! We’re good people! We haven’t hurt anyone!”
“Babe, now I know how you feel about
Christians being hypocrites, but hypocrites are not true Christians. You’ve
probably never met a real Christian, Lyn,” Simon said softly, looking Lynda
straight in the eyes. Lynda began to feel slightly uncomfortable under Simon’s gaze, and
looked away. Something was gnawing at
her insides, her gut instincts were bubbling and she suspected it had to do
with the “buts” still floating around in her head.
“Lyn, honey, I can show you in the Word
that what I’m saying is true. And
believe me, it blew my mind! But I’ve
learned that the Lord isn’t out to make our lives miserable. We do that pretty well on our own. No, He wants to give us life more abundantly,
Lyn. It’s true!” Simon’s eyes were
piercing straight through the toughened membranes of Lynda’s heart, and while she
was afraid to acknowledge the truth, she was more fearful of holding on to a
lie.
“What is it that you want to show me,
Simon?” Lynda sighed with a tinge of impatience mixed with curiosity.
“What I need to tell you first, is that
our lifestyle right now doesn’t glorify the Lord. We can’t live together like this. We need to get married,” Simon said in a tone that was at once matter of fact and rather sweet.
“Get married?!” Lynda blurted so unexpectedly she had to catch herself. This was a moment of truth for her. She’d thought of marriage, but pushed it out
of her mind, making herself believe things were perfect the way they were.
“And if you don’t want to marry right
away, and I don't know why you wouldn't, I’ll have to move out until we do.” Simon replied, with conviction. “You see, Babe, where we may have started
this relationship out wrong, it’s not impossible to make it right in God’s
sight.” Lynda stared blankly, suddenly feeling nauseous.
“Plus, we have other people to think
about,” Simon went on. “We’ve hurt some innocent people by our choices. Now, I’m not saying I don’t love you. Because I do; you know I do! But I see now that I’ve got to make things
right with God. It’s important to me not
to disrespect Him or His Word. It’s
important to me not to cause others to stumble because I’m not doing
right. Babe, I don’t want to be a
hypocrite calling myself a Christian--”
“--Just who would you be causing to
‘stumble’, as you put it, Simon?”
“First of all our KIDS! I intend to share what I’m learning with my
kids, and how can I be legit if I don’t walk the talk? I don’t want Jason and Keslee
to have any grounds to call me a hypocrite.
Jason already does, I’m sure, but I don’t want them sounding like you,
Lyn! I don’t want them to reject God because of my bad witness. I’m finding out a lot of things in Bible study, and they aren’t all comfortable things, either. But I know in
my heart that it’s right! The truth hurts, Lyn, I accept that, Babe.”
“Do you know what you’re saying, Simon?
Do you really know? Have you considered
that if you go this way, you and I could possibly never be together? Have you studied the part about divorce yet,
Simon? Have they showed you that in
God’s eyes, our divorces from our exes are BOGUS because we didn't divorce for the cause of adultery, the only out the Bible gives, Simon? Huh, Simon? If you wanna be 'old school' and do it to the letter, Simon, have you found out that what we’re doing
right now is still considered adultery and fornication? And that also means Tonya and her boyfriend are in sin as well, according to THE WORD! CAN YOU GET WITH THAT, SIMON?!” Lynda shouted, feeling near hysteria, hot tears
welling in her eyes.
Simon’s body slumped back against the
dinette chair as if he had been punched in the chest, and he stared at Lynda, speechless. They didn’t move, but were aware of the
others' breathing. Lynda saw the pool of
tears forming in Simon’s eyes.
Finally,
slowly, Simon spoke, “You knew all this stuff and didn't tell me? I only just
learned about the strait gate. I'm just now wrapping my mind around it. I mean, 'strait' - that
means it’s difficult, and it’s a very narrow path.…and...and that’s why most people
won’t take that road, Babe. It’s not popular and it sure ain’t comfortable. We need to get some understanding. I know God doesn't hold me responsible for what I, we didn't know, right? There's forgiveness for us, correct? How can I go back to an ex-wife who has moved on- when I love you? How does it work, Lyn, can you tell me that?”
Lynda shook her head 'no', then nodded 'yes' in an odd, circular motion, tears spilling freely down
her cheeks…”I don't know all the answers, Simon, but I am sure of what I just said, It's all in the Book. And I’m so sorry. I did know these things all along.
I’ve been trying to avoid that road for the past 20 something years." She
stood up and took Simon’s hand. They
walked into the living room where Lynda removed a book from the bookcase. It was a Bible that Simon had never seen. He
didn’t know Lynda even owned a Bible. In
silence, he followed her to the couch and they sat down. Lynda opened the Bible
to Matthew 7 and read verses 13 and 14.
“Enter ye at the strait gate; for wide is the gate, and broad is the way
that leads to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because
strait is the gate and narrow is the way which leads to life, and few there be
that find it.”
When she closed the Bible, Simon cradled her hands inside his. They sat in the
quiet of the living room, side by side, each contemplating the future. It had
been a very long day at the end of a very long week. And now, it seemed everything was winding down in slo mo. Lynda knew that
the issues she’d been avoiding could no longer be ignored. Simon’s search for Truth was working a
miracle in her own heart, in short order.
Lynda realized she couldn’t be a “closet Christian” any longer. Simon’s sincerity was compelling, and just
like everything else he put his heart and soul into, this new commitment to be
one of God’s people was for keeps. There
were going to be some tough decisions to make, and soon.
The signs warning of twists and
turns lay before Lynda on this road. Her
faith was in serious disrepair and needed more than a retread job. Prayer would be necessary for this new
direction she was taking – and she couldn’t remember the last time she prayed. Her Bible would be her compass that would not only show her the way, but keep the path lighted. “Only God knows the end from the beginning”, something
she remembered from a sermon long ago.
And Lynda had learned as a child that she would never be left alone if
she put her trust in Him. Well God was about to be put to the test now. Inside, she was kicking and screaming - it wasn't going to be pretty. This
was not just another road trip, and Lynda knew that, too..
"Let's pray, Lyn," Simon whispered, "we need to ask God for direction, Babe. I know that's where we have to start." As they joined hands and bowed in prayer together, an unexplainable sense of peace began to
blossom within Lynda as she thought about the unknown up ahead. Even if Simon couldn’t
walk the rest of the journey with her, she felt assured that the Lord Himself would be her traveling
companion, and guide her safely to her destination. No, it wasn't going to be easy, but God...
© 2006 from the manuscript, This October
