God created sex. He created sex for both procreation and
pleasure in marriage. The beauty of
God’s intended purpose for the acts of intimacy has been damaged over centuries
due to ignorance and man-made doctrines within the church; and the misuse, abuse
and misrepresentation of it in secular society.
In bringing this series, we
sought to provide an avenue for couples to open the door and have the
conversation. As believers, we
understand that we have chosen to be one with our spouse, and what God has
joined together, no one can separate (paraphrase Matthew 19:5-6). This oneness is a mindset, a lifestyle that
must be practiced – daily. We no longer belong to ourselves. Lovemaking, communicating with one another; communion
with the Lord through prayer, praise and worship – these are all essential
elements of a Christian marriage. And there must be balance.
In our research we found
outstanding resources by Christian authors, and particularly written by men,
for men. Scott Means, in his blog “Surrendered
Marriage”, discusses the “Bridal Paradigm.”
This paradigm is, simply, two people agreeing to work together to make
their marriage a reflection of the love relationship between Jesus, our
heavenly bridegroom, and the church, His bride. Means says, “A marriage founded
on the bridal paradigm is a journey toward deeper intimacy and increased
passion, along with greater freedom and trust.”
Greater trust gives way to even
greater sharing of emotions and thoughts, which creates the safe environment
necessary for both husband and wife to be vulnerable and transparent. Greater
freedom opens doors to even greater trust, and on and on. Surrendered marriage is
indeed a lifelong journey to a deeper understanding of God’s design for
marriage as revealed in the bridal paradigm, and is not unlike our spiritual
journey in our relationship with Christ.
We must re-emphasize here, that there
is nothing natural or biblical about married couples abstaining from sex. A
partner who is unwilling to engage intimately with their spouse is being
disobedient to the Word of God. We are not speaking of medical conditions or
other mental or physiological incapacity. Each marriage is different, but the divine
directive is clear; abstaining from sex for the sake of prayer
and fasting must be by mutual agreement, and then, not for long periods of
time. One’s “piety” or “holiness” to the point of abstinence in marriage does
not honor God, and further, it does not please God.
In marriage, so much goes on behind closed doors.
People who have been married for many years have seen the best and the worst of
times. Christians have access to the Power Source, which imbues us with the
strength to gird up our loins, fall on our knees, and pray/work/talk/argue/love
through any test or trial. For couples needing additional help, there are qualified
Christian counselors; and there is no shame in seeking marital counseling.
We pray that this series has
blessed someone. And we encourage you to
work together, fight for your marriage, and above all, love one another,
fiercely!
Bruce and Bridget
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