SEXUALITY - GOD'S GIFT, PART 4 - For the Men

Boaz Ministries

Your Body Belongs to Her; Her Body Belongs to You

Among believers, one of the misunderstood, misapplied and under practiced teachings of the Bible is sex between husband and wife. Pastor Bob Deffinbaugh presents an exhaustive study in his article, “Sex and the Spiritual Christian, 1 Corinthians 7:1-7” (Bible.org, 2004). Beginning with attitudes of certain groups regarding sex among the Corinthians that are still prevalent in our day, Deffinbaugh discusses the origins of the idea that sex is dirty – even for married people. Along with that mindset was (and is) the belief that the wife is to please her husband sexually, but the husband has no responsibility to please his wife.

Paul sets the record straight for all time in 1 Corinthians 7:2-4:

“Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” These verses stress the mutuality of sexual pleasure and sexual duty.

The pleasure principle of sex between married couples is found in the Old Testament as well. In Proverbs 5:15-19, we find a beautiful, poetic passage from the wise King Solomon:

“Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be yours alone, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.”

Brothers, Spirit-filled, satisfying sex is possible when there is mutual submission. Paul’s message to the Ephesians makes this very clear. In chapter 5, he gives godly instructions for Christian living – and brings it home from verses 21-33. Married believers should submit to one another out of reverence for Christ; wives must submit to their husbands out of love for Christ; husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the Church – which means they must love their wives as they love their own bodies! A woman who is being loved and cherished in this way will not likely have a problem “submitting”. And a man who is being respected by his wife will not tire of finding ways to please his wife, in and out of bed.

It is a brilliant plan for successful unions. And wholly holy.

SEXUALITY - GOD'S GIFT, PART 3 - For the Ladies

Work With the Way God Designed Him

Boaz Ministries

Many wives may be yearning to work on their marriages. Some women want their husbands to read relationship books with them or attend marriage seminars (and actually take notes). But how about getting his attention by working with the way God designed him? A great sex life won't solve the problems in marriage; however, it will fortify the husband's desire and commitment to work toward intimacy. Your sexual relationship could be the "on-ramp" to communication, conflict resolution, and building the emotional intimacy you desire. It's a potent force for encouraging reconciliation.

No amount of nagging, pleading, talking, or counseling can grab your husband's attention the way his sexual desire for you can. We see it in advertising. No approach is used more frequently or more successfully than sex appeal. Why not use it in your marriage? It has been said, "If you want to improve your marriage, invest in your underwear!"

By no means are we suggesting that you use sexuality to manipulate your husband! Withholding sex when you don't get your way or lavishing him with it when you do is manipulation. The Bible clearly states that married couples must not deprive one another unless the two are agreed – and even then, only for a time (1 Corinthians 7:5). We are encouraging women to embrace this fact: There are many forces in your husband's environment that use sex to garner his attention. They are stealing the power that God intended for you. Instead of sitting passively by, claim it!

In her book, “No More Headaches, Enjoying Intimacy in Your Marriage”, Dr. Juli Slattery says, “By God's good design, a man's sex drive is strong. If it is harnessed and intensified within marriage, it can be an incredible force fastening a man's affections and passions to his wife.” And we agree. It is right and godly to claim your husband’s sexual desire as a potent source of influence in your marriage. The Word of God tells us in Hebrews 13:4 that marriage is honorable among all and the bed, pure, undefiled! This is a sanctified and sacred part of a couple’s life that is not to be shared with anyone else. And it is an area given to creativity of expression.

Satan consistently twists into evil what God designed for good. Ladies - and gentlemen, this power that was intended for your marital intimacy is VERY good! Work it!

SEXUALITY - GOD'S GIFT, PART 2 - For the Ladies

Boaz Ministries

The Right to Be Jealous



Let’s deal with that “J” word before we go on. In Part 1, we stated that wives should be jealous and possessive of their husband’s sex drive. In most of our minds, we think of jealousy as a very negative thing. However, the word “jealous” has a few definitions, and there is one that fits the spirit of the statement perfectly. “Jealous: to be fiercely protective and vigilant of one’s rights and possessions.”

There is Biblical foundation for this type of passion as well. The Second Commandment (Exodus 20:4-6) contains the word jealous in a context that has confused many (and caused many more to stumble). And again, in Exodus 34:14, it is written, "Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God". Notice that in this verse, God tells the Israelites that His name is "Jealous." Why would God define Himself as jealous? The answer is simple: there are some things that we should be jealous about. God's jealousy for the hearts of His people is holy and righteous. They belong to Him and were created for His pleasure.

The same applies to your sexual bond with your husband. His sex drive was designed for your pleasure and intimacy. The power of his sexuality was also designed for your influence in his life. Through his sexuality, you have a powerful place in your husband's life that should belong to only you. It sets apart your relationship as distinctive from every other person in his life. No one can share with him as you can. Instead of lamenting the compelling sexual appeal of pornography and co-workers in your husband's life, focus your energy on reclaiming the influence that is rightly yours!

SEXUALITY - GOD'S GIFT, PART 1 - For the Ladies

“Your husband’s sex drive is God’s gift to you!” 

 Dr. Juli Slattery

Boaz Ministries

Yes, right now we’re flipping the script to focus on how your husband’s sex drive is God’s gift to you, his wife!  As research on the subject has rewarded us with stats on how much women fret about and even avoid sexual intimacy with their husbands, it must be acknowledged that sex is a huge force in your husband's life. And while acknowledging this, we should not neglect the fact that God created that force for your use as well. In fact, wives should become jealous and possessive of the power inherent in your husband's sexuality. It was intended for you!

Christian Psychologist, Juli Slattery, author of “No More Headaches, Enjoying Intimacy in Your Marriage” (Tyndale Press, 2009), says that we often look at a man's sexual desire as a weak link or an Achilles' heel. As with Samson or David, the promise of fleeting pleasure has the power to strip him of all that he values in life. However, what can be a source of evil can also be a force of great good. Just as twisted women are able to pull men into sin, virtuous women can use the influence of sex to call men to morality, love, and godliness.

Boaz is opening the “floor” for discussion in this series. It is a serious, grown-up conversation we believe couples should be having, whether in pre-marital counseling or seasoned in your marriage. Saying that this is vital and essential, is an understatement because of the outside influences in society through media, as well as stale ‘religious traditions’ that have caused gross misrepresentation and lack of understanding concerning what God intended to be a joyous celebration and experience for husband and wife.

We invite our readers to engage in this dialogue, share thoughts, and invite/share with others. Our references will be provided, and, as always, our source and guide is the Word of God. Part 2, with more for the ladies (men, you are welcome to take note!), will be posted Sunday, May 4, 2014.

Blessings,

B&B Edwards

If You're Messy And You Know It...Be Converted! Part 2

3. Folks who feel like they can live any kinda way and "make it in" - seriously need to review the lists in 1 Corinthian 6:9-10 and Galatians 5:19-21.


"Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

"The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."

4. Folks who just wanna be startin something and run with the wrong crowd should read  Romans 1:28-32 and re-read NO. 3 above again.

"And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.  They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips,  slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,  foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them."

Finally, Jesus said something that trips people up. A lot. At the end of His teaching in Matthew 5:48, He admonished the crowd and disciples to be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect. Theologians and Bible scholars have studied the Greek word used here: τέλειος téleios  (tel'-i-os).

Simply put, it means complete, full grown. And, indeed it is a process. It means we are not to remain the same. It means, if we love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and our neighbor as ourselves, we are fulling the whole law. (Matthew 22:36-40, Romans 10:4, Romans 13:10).

There is a standard of living for Kingdom citizens. Let us not be fooled into thinking a change will happen suddenly - we must be about a renewed mind, right now. Christ made it possible for us to live eternally and not suffer damnation, if we would just allow the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth...and transform us.

I am messy and I know it, folks. And I'm convicted, and pray every day for a fresh anointing and conversion. S/he who hath ears, let them hear.

If You're Messy And You Know It.... Be Converted! Part 1

The problem is, messy folks (drama queens, kings, hate mongers and gossips) rarely know what a detriment and burden they are to themselves and their social group.  NEWS FLASH - if you call yourself a Christian, or even an "enlightened", "freethinking" individual - you still have to get to a place of maturity where the dumb stuff has to cease. There must be spiritual growth taking place in the life. And if there's confusion about what constitutes "dumb stuff", keep reading.

Because I am confident that I can embrace both enlightenment and free thinking in Christ (It's the truth that makes us free - John 8:38, and He sets us free, indeed! John 8:36), this is for Christians and those who might be interested in knowing what the Lord says about the following:

1. Folks who call themselves Christians yet harbor (and nurture) hatred and unforgiveness - need to read 1 John 4:20-21, Matthew 5: 44-45, and Colossians 3:13.

"If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.  And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."

"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

2.  Folks who do good deeds for show, please check Matthew 6:1 -5

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.  So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.  But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward." 

I submit this today because I look around and see so many who are being deceived by smooth messages from pulpits that are meant to keep the status quo - allowing things that ought not to be happening in the Body of Christ. I submit this because, thankfully, it is not my opinion. Anyone finding fault with my writings, should take it up with the Lord.  Anyone who is seeking, as I am,  to live a victorious life, please, keep reading...

72 Hour Hold

Before the book, "72 Hour Hold", by the late Bebe Moore Campbell, came out, a girlfriend of mine had introduced me to her coping mechanism for whenever something emotionally devastating happened in her life. My friend is a nurse, and she'd worked for some time in the Psych Ward. My own work in mental health also made me very familiar with the term "72 hour hold." In short, the 72 hour hold (also known as the 5150, involuntary detention, suicide hold) is an involuntary emergency hospitalization for evaluation in a treatment center, typically a short intervention for a fixed period of time.

And though I found Campbell's book compelling, well written (and I recommend it), this post isn't about the clinical definitions or the original purposes or application of this term. It's about what I have found to be a healthy way to deal with emotional trauma, of the relationship variety.

When going through a painful divorce, and left with two children, my friend, the nurse, said she felt her world had come to an end. But she still had to get up in the morning, attend to her children, get them to school and go to work. It is true that divorce feels like someone has died (but the kicker is, they're still walking around above ground, having a life without you!). A breakup is painful whether married or dating. So she decided to give herself 72 hours to "get it all out". 72 hours to scream, 'sling snot', moan, get in the fetal position on her bed and just rock and cry herself to sleep. She'd planned it; for a weekend she didn't work. Took her children to their grandparents for that weekend (grandparents are a blessing).  And when she got back home, she locked herself in, turned off the TV, internet and land line - and sat in her robe and fuzzy slippers with her quart of double chocolate ice cream, and wept. And she slept. And she vented, had one-sided conversations with herself, and said all the things she'd wanted to say to him. Then she wrote her feelings down, read them, and tore the paper into tiny pieces.

She told me, "It was such a release! I began to feel so much lighter, so much better. My reality was still my reality. I was still a divorcee; my husband had still left me - it was all still so true. But the pain was way less. I knew I could deal with it." Then, she said that on the last day, she opened the windows, reconnected the phone, turned on the internet, threw on her favorite gospel CD, took a shower, put on a new outfit she hadn't worn with some cute shoes, did her make-up, combed her hair and walked outside into a new day, her new life.

I believe the 72 hour hold is necessary. In this context, it's voluntary. When we lose someone, it hurts. And especially in cases where the person has not actually passed away, I believe it's possible and reasonable to utilize this 72 hour time period to get into some serious mourning - get it all out, scream and shout. (I would not suggest that one could or should employ this when a loved one has died) Then emerge from that emotional release with a renewed sense of direction, a new plan, or at least the skeleton of a plan. As a believer, I would also highly recommend praying through. We need supernatural power to gain the victory over emotional wounds, and to avoid falling into depression.

Acknowledging the pain, and yielding to it - not denying it - is good, and healthy for us mentally and emotionally. The bad thing did happen. It is devastating. Our hearts are broken, and we are in pain and the tears won't stop. Even after the 72 hours, pain is likely to linger. But not to a paralyzing degree; we've given ourselves permission to let loose. And we've made a promise to ourselves to move forward.

The important thing is to take the time to mourn. It can be however long you decide. I like 72 hours. It could be less - but not too much longer than 72. We have to count our blessings, remember we are still alive. And God is with us always.

When the time is up, we must get up from that place of despair, wash our faces, go outside in the sunshine, and take on the life God has given us. One day at a time.