The joys of living and working in a non-toxic environment

We hear so much about work/life balance in the workplace.  Companies are rated on how employee-centered they are.  It's a good thing.

I'm at the point in my life where my stress level is low - and I've been intentional about creating the safe, no stress zone in which I both live and work. 

My husband and I, thankfully, are on the same page when it comes to reducing stress, eliminating drama, and just overall enjoying the peace that we've established in our home.  We both know what we won't tolerate, and what I've found out - at our ages, those annoying things/people/conditions tend to remove themselves from you.  Drama queens and kings aren't provided a comfortable space in our lives.  

I learned, when you present yourself as a person of peace, who, when solicited, will communicate and provide peaceable solutions/advice that turns out to be the opposite of what the solicitor wanted to hear/do - they tend to leave you alone.  In the same way that it is said - the quickest way to get rid of someone who asks for a loan - is to give it to them. They show themselves for who they are - and *poof* they're gone.

My work in human services over the years has provided me with many experiences where I served the marginalized and underserved population.  The stress was high at various points.  There was anger, frustration, and sometimes, feelings of utter hopelessness.  There were times when, at the end of the day, I went home emotionally and physically drained.  I saw the suffering up close, and there were times, try as I might, that my own frustrations came to the surface.  If a client became agitated and verbally abusive - it was part of my job to help deescalate the incident - utilizing my training in Crisis Prevention Intervention.  I accepted that as business as usual.  And my skills as a mediator would kick in - and 7 times out of 10 - we were successful.

Going to work every day, knowing that on any given day you might get yelled at by a disgruntled client, or a client having a mental health crisis - takes a toll on you.  I realized at the top of 2020, that I'd become extremely sensitive to sudden outbursts, even when they weren't aimed at me.  Just being in the vicinity of the chaos was unsettling to my spirit. No one likes to be yelled at. And I don't like to hear anyone else getting cursed out and threatened.  A colleague and I were threatened with physical harm last year by a client who was diagnosed with a concurrent disorder, and was having an episode. We pressed charges.  The whole process of pressing charges was stressful, but necessary.

The time finally came when I knew I had to leave that toxic environment and seek a work space more conducive to my mental and physical well-being.  My decision was made even clearer when my coworkers and I were lined up, as if in a firing squad, and literally blown to bits - verbally - by our ED on a conference call - who, (re)acting to hearsay, distorted facts and lies - decided we were all guilty of all the charges. (Believe me, the problem raised was neither a breach of agency policy, client endangerment, negligence of duty, nor life-threatening - things for which one might be reprimanded). But it was the most vile display of bullying and disrespect I had ever witnessed. And no one was allowed to speak on their own behalf.  The ED had the entire executive team and the director of HR on their side of the call - on speaker. It was meant to humiliate and inflict fear - and force allegiance/obedience  to a decision that had been made.  OR ELSE. We were told we could submit our 30-day resignation right then if we didn't agree.  It was hateful, and sadly, laughably petty at its base.

I thought to myself - I'm not taking this from clients AND my employer.  There's not enough money on the planet for me to be abused. Period.  I remember telling my husband that there are folks in my past who had had GOOD reasons to curse me out and call me everything but a child of God - but did not.  I had received the grace I'd been given back then, and have sought to pass it on to others.

Truth be told, I'd been searching for months for other employment opportunities (I knew I wasn't long for that job). Two months later, I resigned from that toxic place.  As I left the premises, I exhaled deeply. I felt so light and so free. Today, I am free, and have absolutely no regrets.  I'm able to work as I please, doing what I love.   My new environment provides me with the work/life balance and the peace of mind I require. I am recognized as the professional that I am, and my work is appreciated. There is mutual respect, and support. There is no one yelling, accusing, misrepresenting, lying or bullying me in my current space. There will never be an occasion for that to happen again. The environment is far too chill for that!

My home life is calm and beautiful. I firmly believe you can create your own heaven right here on earth - where there's love and peace at home.  You need only to communicate honestly, openly with your partner, and be intentional with your actions when establishing your safe, stress free environment. I won't lie - it takes work and time. For some, conciliation is a gift. However,  where one partner may have the gift and be skilled, both  partners must be willing.  Even arguments are handled well - and settled quickly because - both parties want to protect the peace!

I've purposed in my heart that, going forward, my space and my environment will always welcome others who are like-minded. Toxic vibes and drama are strictly forbidden over here!

Be well! Protect your mental health! Stay safe!

I Came Back to Let You Know (Change Is Here)

I'm watching my grown children react to these continuing atrocities against our skin color in 2020. And I'm proud of the way their activism and advocacy for human rights for black people is manifesting in their lives.  This is for all the marbles - and I'm so glad to see the curtain pulled back, the wool removed from eyes that haven't seen or wanted to see - and the solidarity from every nation, kindred, tongue and people all over the world!

These are unprecedented times we are living in. I've been hoping and praying this day would come. And against the backdrop of an incompetent president, an ailing economy due to the COVID-19 pandemic - these heinous crimes against black bodies, perpetrated by racist whites (police and others), provide the perfect storm for the protests, riots - and finally, the justice that is long overdue. 

I'm happy to see this in my lifetime. The joining of forces between peoples of all ethnic groups, backgrounds and walks of life, brings me the sense of peace that there will be a better world for my grandchildren. That, at the very least, racial profiling and police brutality - and even microaggressions against blacks/people of color - will NOT be tolerated or shrugged off, as before. 

As a parent of black children, I had to educate them about the hatred they'd have to endure simply because their skin is brown - and how to navigate through systemic racism. It pained me when I thought of how just having to teach my kids what I call "racial self defense" - in order to "get along" at school - was not what I imagined we'd have to do when we started our family. It was not only not OK, but it was not something white parents had to think about.  To know that it was my duty as a black parent to protect my children as best I could by telling them things that children should not have to be concerned about - because other children were being taught to hate by their parents - sickened me.  Their father and I could not, as responsible, loving parents, let them go out into the world without the knowledge that there would be some people who would actually mean them, and do them harm... 

And harmed, they were. Emotionally, mentally.  It was like it was a part of their birthright - because their father and I, too, were discriminated against as children, and their grandparents and great grandparents before us. So, they were also harmed -because they are black in a majority white society (that is getting browner by the day, by the way, and subject for another discussion).  And today, they each have stories they are sharing - that their former classmates (white) are reading about on social media - seeing the way life was/is for them for the first time. 

I am proud of my children because, though they internalized these incidents of discrimination and hatred because of strong faith and familial support - they have had an acute awareness and have spoken out against injustice since they were teenagers. I'm saying I am proud that they utilized their coping skills through all of the madness, because what they did not do - what black people are generally "expected" to do and goaded into doing - is react - hate for hate; retaliate - destroy. My son's experiences were disturbingly different from his sisters'. He was tested and tried far more viciously as a black male and could have been another statistic. But God! All in all, the three of them never became that overused label "angry black..."  as if black people don't have a reason or a right to be angry.  [Make no mistake - we be angry, though.]

What they have become are educated, law-abiding, responsible, and responsive adults.  They reject the status quo, and are making their voices heard.  They are showing up and raising the awareness where there is ignorance. They are boldly calling out racists and using their platforms to edify those who want to know.  And they are providing solutions.

I'm proud of them. Their father would be proud, too. He would be happy to see this day. And although I have hope that this wave of change will do major damage to the antiquated racist systems, evil policies and inequitable practices in the criminal justice system  - I do know that dark days are still ahead.  Ah... but this light I'm seeing at the end of this particular tunnel, at this particular time in history is the breaking of a new day.  There is a shift in the atmosphere, an alignment of millions of conscious minds who stand together in agreement. The power surge is palpable.

Change is here. And not a moment too soon.

#BlackLivesMatter