The Next Level - I had to share

The Ministry of Marriage - 3 Marriages

Secrets

In my line of work, I've heard it all. And because of my work, I must keep things clients tell me confidential. As a friend, the same rule applies. As a friend, and as a counselor, I have listened to the stories (sometimes both sides, separately), and promised to zip my lip, except to pray for and with the individuals. I've kept my promises.

Now, I rarely give advice to personal friends, and will offer my opinion only when it is solicited. In my years of experience, I have found it is best to keep my advice to myself. (Amazing what can happen to folks after you've offered them some advice! WOW!) In my profession, I'm paid to offer options within the scope of the services I render and the resources I have available. When my clients get into their personal life issues, I listen and determine if a referral is needed for further exploration of the problem(s). In this case, a client's information may be shared in a meeting of that client's clinical team.

Some say that there are some secrets you should take to the grave; secrets that are just between you and God. I won't argue with that. Especially if you've confessed to the Lord and know you've been forgiven. But there are situations when keeping secrets does more harm than good, and I have advised folks to just tell it all, come clean and work things out, prayerfully.


I've taken my own advice, by the way. A long time ago, a very wise person advised me to confess, come clean, free myself (and others) from the bondage of the unspoken thing. And as a believer, I know that is what I am supposed to do, by the power and grace of God (Matthew 5:23-24).

Confessing, coming clean, reconciliation, restoration - I've been there, done that, recommend it. And I can report that it was and is worth the effort and the pain, all of which stimulates growth and gives all parties concerned a deeper insight into one another. It's a powerful, undeniable move of true love.

Secrets hold us hostage mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. It's an unhealthy environment for families, and a huge contributor to the dysfunction in families.

Maybe releasing a secret will result in an unfavorable consequence. Then one must ask, "Would keeping someone in the dark about a serious matter be fair, responsible, or loving?"

Just a thought or two...

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! Five-Part Finale – Anecdotes and Bible Quotes

Boaz Ministries

"Many waters cannot quench love" Song of Solomon 8:7 ESV

Quickly, we discover that the greatest threat to marriage is selfishness! There was a mother we know, who was trying to explain to her small son the benefits of unselfishness. She ended her little talk by saying, "We're in this world to help others." After thinking on this a bit, the boy asked, "Well then, what are the others here for?"

When two people put their own individual needs and wants first, they're on a collision course. Here are some examples of selfishness in marriage:

1. In-laws. It's a sign of selfishness and immaturity when you constantly harp about what your parents said, and how they did things. That is unfair to your spouse and it will hurt your relationship.
2. Pornography. The Psalmist writes, "I refuse to look at corrupting people and degrading things" (Psalm 101:3 TM). Pornography is as addictive as heroin, and untold numbers of marriages are shipwrecked by it. Not only does it leave individuals feeling ashamed, it can devastate a partner's self-worth.
3. Disagreements. Don't be like the woman who told her friend, "We've been married twenty years and never quarreled once. If a difference of opinion arises and I'm right, my husband gives in." Her friend asked, "And what if he is right?" Without hesitating she replied, "THAT never happened!" (Say what?!)
4. Prayerlessness. We've presented in other series, and research has shown that upwards of 90% of Christian couples don't read the Bible or pray together. Do you? If Christ is the most important thing in our lives, He should be the thing we most enjoy sharing.

When passion and physical beauty fade, our shared love for Christ will sustain us through the storms of life. So fight for your marriage!!

Blessings,

Bruce and Bridget

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! Five-Part Finale – Anecdotes and Bible Quotes

Boaz Ministries

"Marriage should be honored...for God will judge the adulterer and...the immoral." Hebrews 13:4 NIV

A Sunday school teacher named Carla said, "My Sunday school class of first-graders was learning the Ten Commandments. When we got to 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' I wondered if I'd have to explain it. Sure enough, a seven-year old girl raised her hand and asked, 'What does commit mean?'"

Truly, if we live by impulse instead of commitment, our marriages will suffer. The word "commitment" is best described in the traditional wedding vows. (Remember those?) "Will you have this woman (or man) to be your lawfully wedded wife (or husband)...to live together in God's holy ordinance of marriage...to be faithful...in good times and bad, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, remain faithful to her (or him)?" That's what we all said before God!

A hotel (which shall remain nameless) displayed a sign on its bulletin board for motorists to read that said: "HAVE YOUR NEXT AFFAIR WITH US!" That's not funny when you consider the ramifications! A prominent psychiatrist said, "I've counseled thousands of couples, and I've yet to meet my first happy adulterer."

The results are always the same: shame, fear, loss, loneliness and depression. When we violate our own integrity, it's hard to live in our own skin. Please don't be deceived by celebrities who hop from bed to bed...to bed. One of the best kept secrets of marital success isn't finding the right person, it's BECOMING the right person.

The Bible teaches that we are to care about the spiritual, emotional, material and sexual needs of our spouses. As we've urged in previous series - we urge today - start discussing these issues. And, if you find it difficult to talk about them, please get help. Your marriage is worth fighting for!

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! Five-Part Finale - Anecdotes and Bible Quotes

Boaz Ministries

"In the house of the wise are stores [savings]..." Proverbs 21:20 NIV

One of the most common issues that cause marriages to fail is: Finances. The number one reason for divorce these days is money. That's interesting, because we have more money today than at any time in the past. So what's the problem? In a nutshell: it's our lifestyle. The more we have, the more we want, and the more we're willing to go into debt to get it.

When times are good that philosophy works, but in the last fifty years we've lived through ten recessions. For example, folks who bought a home for $100,000, planning to sell it for $200,000 within a year or two, ended up losing everything because the housing market crashed. Imagine the stress that puts on a marriage! The strong endure; the weak don't. Many of us need to become reacquainted with a mostly forgotten word: "frugality". It means buying only what you can afford. The Bible says, "In the house of the wise are stores...but a foolish man devours all he has."

Financial experts now recommend keeping a minimum of six months' living expenses in a "rainy day" account. Over the years, our combined experience has provided much wisdom and taught us a fundamental truth: the secret of happiness and peace in marriage isn't spending all you've got, but saving and taking time to enjoy what you have!

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! Five-Part Finale – Anecdotes and Bible Quotes

Boaz Ministries

"They will be won over by observing your...lives." 1 Peter 3:1-2 NLT

A shared faith is the glue that will hold your marriage together in times of trouble. But when one spouse is an unbeliever, it can be difficult for the other. Concerning marriage, Jesus said, "What...God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:6). Notice the words, "What God hath joined together." Any relationship God puts together can go the distance. Speaking about a wife whose husband has died, Paul writes, "She is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord" (1Corinthians 7:39 NLT).

When your spouse doesn't share your faith, you can find yourselves tugging on opposite ends of the rope. Paul asks, "How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?" (See 1 Corinthians 6:15 NLY). An old country preacher put it bluntly: "Any time a child of God marries a child of the Devil, they're going to have trouble with their father-in-law!" Now, this doesn't mean one should love their unbelieving spouse less. Actually, it means you must love them more! Speaking of unbelieving spouses, Peter writes, "Even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your...lives."

There is "preventative medicine", and there is "corrective medicine." When Paul says not to marry an unbeliever, he's using preventative medicine. When Peter speaks about living with an unbeliever and winning them to Christ through your love and your lifestyle, he's using corrective medicine.

At the end of the day, there is only one thing that is guaranteed to work: "Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 14:8 NKJV). So, fight for your marriage!

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! Five-Part Finale – Anecdotes and Bible Quotes

Boaz Ministries


 “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” Ps 127:1 NKJV

It’s easy to remember where and when you got married, but sometimes what escapes you is why. God created Eve because He knew Adam was lonely and needed a mate, just as all the creatures He’d made. So if the purpose of marriage is closeness, the enemy of marriage is distance. However, problems arise when you expect your spouse to meet your every need. Only God can do that.

A man asked his buddy, “Why haven’t you ever gotten married?” He replied, “Because I was looking for the ideal woman.” “And you never found her?” his friend asked. “Oh, sure, but it just so happened – she was looking for the ideal man!” Hello! The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her” (Eph 5:25 NKJV).

Can a marriage ever be perfect? Not on this side of Heaven, but when two people make up their minds to give themselves fully to one another, they can come very close. In a survey of thousands of married couples, here are ten reasons why people said they were unhappy: 1. They didn’t think alike in many areas. 2. They had little insight into each other’s feelings. 3. They said hurtful things to one another. 4. They felt unloved. 5. They felt taken for granted. 6. They lacked someone to confide in. 7. Each spouse felt he or she was giving more than the other. 8. They rarely complimented each other. 9. They desire more affection. 10. They couldn’t talk to each other.

God performed the first marriage. We believe the best way to begin meaningful dialogue concerning your marriage is to talk to the One who created it!

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! We have an enemy, Part 2B

Boaz Ministries

Satan actively attacked the first marriage (Gen. 3:1). He knew the way to get both the man and the woman to sin was to attack marriage. Satan did not appear to the woman as an ugly monster with a pitch fork. He appeared in the disguise of a beautiful creature with a very beautiful voice. He didn't try to overpower the woman. He appealed to her intellect. Satan disguised himself as an angel of light. Satan knows what people want and offers them what they desire. However, he will exact his price when the person is helplessly enslaved.

The devil has worked for centuries to set up a world system that says a strong woman must never submit to a man. It says, "Submission means getting walked on." God clearly commands, "Wives, be subject--be submissive and adapt yourselves--to your own husbands" (Eph. 5:22, Amplified). The truth is that when you submit to your husband, you will not be weak, you will be strong, for whoever obeys the Lord is strong.

Through the deeds of those who do the will of the enemy, Satan has created a culture where respect between men and women is hard to find. The world says to respect someone only if you think he or she is worthy of it. Many times we as Christians go along with that standard. This causes friction in our marriages, and we begin to view our partners through the lens of society, and not through loving eyes with spiritual understanding and discernment. This kind of mindset is divisive; a recipe for disaster and dissolution of marriages today.

Because Satan wants to bring down our marriages, and in essence, our ministries, know that Christian marriage is subject to attacks of the unthinkable. Atrocities such as adultery, abandonment and various addictions are very destructive. If the devil can cause one of these things to happen, he will.

Then he'll lie - and make us believe things are so bad that we might as well give up. Don't believe it! We must hold our position and keep praying and doing what God tells us to do.

The Psalmist, David, says, "Through and with God we shall do valiantly, for He it is Who shall tread down our adversaries" (Psalm 108:13, Amplified).

We have an enemy, but he is already defeated. What we must do is walk together, in victory.

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! We have an enemy, Part 2A

Boaz Ministries

The enemy of our souls is real. If you’re married, the target on your back just got bigger. If you’re in a Christian marriage, enlarge that target on your back again. Raising children? Up the collateral damage 1000%. The enemy we speak of is not interested in your marriage—not really. He’s interested in your children. That’s right. If Satan can take out your marriage, he’s got a great shot at your kids. And at the end of the day, it’s the next generation that’s going to pay the price. It’s the next generation that we must fight to protect.

We are living in an era where a covenant is not worth much. However, God sees things differently. He sees the covenant as it was designed to be seen: as eternal. Nothing in this life that’s worth doing is ever easy. Parenting is worth the struggle. Kids are worth it. Your marriage is worth it. No struggle = little value. Period.

“Marriage in our culture is under attack because it’s God-designed and everything designed by God is on the cultural chopping block under the guise of ‘tolerance.’ ( See more at: http://timewarpwife.com/fight-marriage-three-things-every-struggling-wife-needs-know/#sthash.UHbE78fa.dpuf )

And Pastors’ wives, Satan is really gunning for your marriage and your ministry! However, God wants you to take your rightful place--to live and move in the strong position in which He has placed you. From this strong position, you can see your enemy clearly, and you have the power, through Jesus Christ, to stand against and defeat anything he throws your way. You also are in a position to go on the offensive and advance the kingdom of God.

But you have a choice to make. You can sit back and let the devil have his way. Your marriage can get walked on; your ministry can be stomped on. Or you can say: "Not today, Satan. You're not taking me out. You're not taking my husband out. You're not taking our ministry out."
(See more at: http://ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-leadership/women-in-leadership/5924-fight-for-your-marriage#sthash.ovBF76fy.dpuf)

Husbands and wives: whether you’re engaged in “Pastoral ministry” or not, you are still ministers of the Gospel in your home, in the workplace, wherever you go. God has given us the tools to defeat the foe, and keep him from destroying our witness.

1. Pray the Word: God's Word is powerful, and He says it will not return to Him void but will accomplish that which He sent it to do ( Isa. 55:11). Move beyond the namby-pamby prayer, “Lord, help my husband/wife to have a good, safe, day. Amen.” Learn to pray the Word, using the Word, over your spouse and yourself. Wives, let the fierce anger of the Lord (Genesis 3:15) rise up in you, and see the mighty work of God’s transforming power. It works!

2. Walk in obedience: Another way to fight for your marriage is to walk in strict obedience to God’s ways for husbands and wives, EVEN when the world and your own feelings disagree. The enemy wants to take us out of our strong position. Satan doesn’t have the authority to take us out of our strong position, so he tries to get us to leave it ourselves. He is afraid of the power we have through Jesus Christ, and he knows the power married Christians possess to enlarge the Kingdom of God. So he tempts us to abandon God’s plan for marriage. How does he do it? – he works on our minds through deception, as always.

Join us tomorrow for some of the wily deceptions the enemy has been working behind the scenes for generations, yay, centuries, for such a time as this. You may have thoughts on some of the obvious attacks, and others that are more subtle and insidious. We welcome your comments, as we band together to FIGHT FOR OUR MARRIAGES AND OUR FAMILIES!

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! - Marriage is not a fight, Part 1B

Boaz MInistries

As promised, some "stick-like-glue" agreements:

1. AGREE: that times will not always be easy. And agree that when you fight you'll make sure there's a beginning and an end. Think of disagreements in terms of a container. A container has limits and at times must be closed and reopened at another agreed-upon date. Don't let a container's contents spill over into all areas of your relationship. You will not always see eye to eye. Sometimes you must respectfully agree to disagree. But make sure you also spend time talking about things that you do view similarly. Avoid staying in a battle - and never keep score. Marriage is not a competition. It's a commitment.

 2. ACCEPT:  the fact that you're not marrying perfection. Neither is your spouse. Your spouse will make mistakes that upset you, but this doesn't make him or her a bad person. Understand that your spouse chose you in spite of your faults. Tolerating, being patient, accommodating, and not complaining are wonderful ways to communicate commitment and love.

 3. ANTICIPATE:  that things won't always go your way. Look for signs and triggers that indicate all is not well. Is your spouse withdrawn? Does he or she seem irritated by the fact that you're in the room? Do you continually interrupt when your spouse is speaking? Do you look for ways to debate or prove your mate wrong? Are you thinking of your response before your spouse finishes speaking?

Drop the hostage and project mentalities. A wife doesn't want to be held hostage by her husband. And a husband will never be a project that can be fixed. Expect that there will be conflicts, passion, disagreements, and decisions made - sometimes in the same night. Be willing to talk about them, and refuse to harbor them for days, weeks, or months.

Tony Rankin says, Couples like Derek and Kelli continue to learn each day that marriage is not a fight - but it's worth fighting for. Their relationship is a testimony of God's original plan for marriage: honest, open, sacrificial love as a way of life . Is yours?

As we move forward in this series, we welcome your comments and marital tips that work for you, so that all of us may be edified. It's all about FIGHTING FOR OUR MARRIAGES!

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE! - Marriage is not a fight, Part 1A

Boaz Ministries


Kelli & Derek

Family Therapist and author, Tony Rankin, of LifeWay.com, shared the following in an article titled "Your Marriage is Worth Fighting For - Marriage is not a fight". It describes a common scene most of us have experienced and poses some questions. We share it with you as we examine ways Christian couples can fight for their marriages.

It's 11:16. Derek and Kelli are lying in bed. Not touching. Not speaking. Just staring at the ceiling fan as it hums and spins round and round. Their fight during dinner didn't end with a hug, a kiss, or "I'm sorry." Neither was willing to give in. Finally, after 10 minutes of suffocating silence, Derek exhales and whispers, "Kelli, I don't want to live like this. I can't live like this. What can I say to let you know I still love you?"

Tears begin to slide down Kelli's cheeks. She takes a shaky breath. "I wish I would have said something first. I really do love you, Derek, and I don't want to stay mad."

Slowly their hands meet beneath the sheet. They turn to face each other in the darkness and talk in hushed tones. Soon, the hall clock chimes midnight. They will talk more the next day. Everything isn't fixed. But there is hope.

Who would have spoken first in your marriage?

Marriage is supposed to last forever. There's all that "happily ever after" expectation. All that  "til death do us part" sing-song. But then, there's all that harsh reality: selfishness, discontentment, disappointments, struggles, and, yes, loneliness - even when your spouse is right beside you. Harsh reality has killed many marriages. Harsh reality can leave almost any couple wrestling with the questions: Can this marriage be saved? Is our marriage really worth fighting for?

If your goal is to be true to your covenant to your spouse, forsaking all others, the answer is "Yes!" But you've got to get real. And getting real means you've got to stick together even when it's tough - especially when it's tough. A healthy reality check begins with some "stick-like-glue agreements" that a couple must embrace even before their wedding day - and every day thereafter.

Join us on Boaz Ministries tomorrow for Part 1B when we will present some of the stick-like-glue agreements. You may have some of your own. Feel free to share them with us!

Blessings,

Bruce & Bridget

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!

Boaz Ministries


Friends, and those who share their experiences with us, are great sources of information and tips on 'how to' enhance marriage. It's exciting to see/read real couples who are protective of and proactive concerning the preservation of their marriages!

Your marriage is your first ministry. Believe that. A healthy marriage isn't always easy, but it's well worth fighting for! And for the next several days, we will share some insights we've gleaned from testimonies, authors, and our own observations and experiences.

"...therefore, what God has joined together, man must never separate." Matthew 19: 6, pt 2 (ISV)

While I Yet Loved You

for Pookie

Moments, like these, carry me back
Back to the day we sat next to each other on the plane
You looked at me, touched my hand
And told me this was the first time we'd ever sat together on a flight

We always had the children, in years gone by, sitting with us,
between us

But this trip, it was just the two of us
Traveling to a celebration
Flying 30,000 feet above the ground
600 miles per hour....
Feeling fine and free

Full of hope,
Blessed

I had no reason to believe that it would be our last flight together,
that our celebration would turn into mourning
And you would not return with me

Moments like these give me familiar chills,
with a brush of warmth upon my skin that sweetly soothes me
Because when the past was the present
You knew my heart
And took your last breath
While I yet loved you

©2014