Mind Meld

If I could touch your mind
with the life I've lived
for the past 5 plus decades
You'd have clarity
And though you may disagree with
some of the choices I made
You'd have a road map of my journey
That can undoubtedly help you with the rest
of yours...

Bridget Edwards © 2012

Recipe For A Healthy Family Mix

At our worship time, after having eaten a wonderful evening meal this past weekend, everyone gave their testimonies, giving thanks and praise to the Lord for His excellent care and many blessings. We all were grateful for the joy of coming together with family and friends, one more time. But it was my son, Jonathan, whose insights really touched me, so much so, that I wanted to share here.

My son, visiting from college, said that as he listened to each of us speak about our concern for those who don’t have families or friends to spend the holidays with as we do, his thoughts were on people he knows who do have family, but don’t have healthy, loving relationships with them. And it surprised him to hear how they did not look forward to spending the holidays with their families. He went on to say how it made him want to extend an invitation to join him, because he knew they would be accepted among us without question.

What Jonathan discovered about troubled family mixes is a sad reality. But what he said about our family is true.  I am thrilled by the warm reception and love Bruce has received since we married. This family is a wonderful mix of aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews – and no one is considered an “in-law”; we’re simply “Family.”  There were new friends present, old friends, friends of friends; children (now grown) of old friends, who have relocated to this part of the country – and all of them know they have a home away from home, right here - anytime. The Thanksgiving holiday in this family is an extended weekend that merely begins on Thursday (not including the marathon cooking that takes place days beforehand!) and culminates at the Saturday evening, or Sabbath meal. The fellowship flows, and everyone is welcome – no matter how last minute the arrival; there’s always plenty!

When I considered what it takes to create a healthy family mix, I thought about the importance of a couple being on one accord about “family” from the start. No matter how dysfunctional the backgrounds of either or both partners, in order to establish loving, nurturing familial environments, the original two must be in agreement on how they will foster healthy relationships throughout their generations; what will become the traditions, and how they will be upheld.  This is why we strongly encourage couples to pray together, and invite the Lord into their marriages – no matter where you find yourselves along the timeline. It is not too late; He can turn anything around!   For those who are marriage-minded, engaged, or newlywed; by all means, keep God at the head and the center of your lives. 

Let us make prayerful, intentional efforts to cultivate loving environments in our homes, where anyone who is in need of a warm embrace, a home-cooked meal, or a word of encouragement, will feel safe, secure; welcome to come again, happy to do so, and bring a friend!  

That's fierce loving at its best!

Going to church...yet unequally yoked..(yeah, I'm going in)

From Boaz Ministries 

This condition is more common than people think. And for years now, couples getting married “in the church” have been divorcing at the same rate as those who don’t profess any religious beliefs.

Today,we’ll discuss, briefly, the fallacy that it’s all good to marry church-going folks, because, after all, they “believe.” The question, however, is: “what do they believe?” Back in the day, I used to think a pretty good sign of a potential husband was someone who would go to church with me. Of course, that “magical thinking” quickly faded because anyone can put on a good front for a little while. I also thought, for a time, that those who were raised in the same faith, or denomination, were good to go. (get married, that is) Wrong. I also used to think that couples who were not of the same religious backgrounds were destined for divorce, and were as unequally yoked as a church-goer and an unbeliever. Wrong, again.

People who are mature in the Faith (on the meat, and not the milk), understand that it takes much more than a force-fed 12-step Bible study, a quick dip in the baptismal pool (and then a mad dash down the aisle), to make a Godly union work. I know too many men and women who erroneously pursued a spouse (whether in or out of the church), determining that God had answered their prayers- only to feel stuck in a loveless marriage; or end it in a messy divorce. This can be extremely traumatic for church people, because, unlike the rest of the world, most of us believe it when we read in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce. (He never divorces us; we leave Him) Church people are even stepping beyond the one “out” God gave us to divorce – adultery (which doesn’t have to be the end of marriage, and oftentimes is overcome). So what is going on? And what in the world is “irreconcilable differences”? (And why doesn’t God ever use that one against us?)

In my studied opinion, when our own relationship with the Lord isn’t as tight as it should be – we can’t hear Him or receive His warnings. We want what we want, and we’ll twist, bend, and compromise what we believe to get married. That he or she is a fellow “believer”, is one of the biggest tricks of all. We should be asking: What is their relationship with the Lord? (as opposed to how many offices they hold in the church; or the fact that they show up in the House regularly). How willing are they to grow in the Lord? Is she or he interested in going to the next level in their spiritual growth? What is their conversation? (lifestyle) Do they inspire and uplift you? Conversely, what do you bring to the table that is essential to building a stronger union because you’re in it? Are you both committed to working TOGETHER?

Merely attending church is not enough. Most of us know this. We should be mindful of what our lives look like the other six days of the week. This message is for the singles and the married. This is meant to challenge us to examine ourselves much more thoroughly before moving forward. Married couples – it’s not too late to correct and redirect. My hope is that we look deeper than our denomination as the main guideline for a loving spouse. So many of the same denomination are cussing, fussing, fighting, and pressing charges against one another (and going to jail!). Too many are overlooking the characteristic of most importance: Does he or she LOVE the Lord with all their heart, soul, strength and mind – and their neighbor as themselves? (Luke 10:27) Might that be a tall order to pray and wait for, or, as married couples, unite and work on? Let me ask this: Does anyone really have the time or the fortitude to leap into an unknown and most assuredly emotionally damaging abyss because of impatience, or wither away in a spiritually dead marriage because either or both are too tired or disgusted?

It boils down to trust in the Lord; really trusting Him. It’s about allowing Him to work on and in us – it is the first and most important act of submitting we’ll ever do. I know, I know, easy for me to write, but tough to accomplish. I’m a living witness to the power of God, and how His working inside us radiates through us and outward to everyone in our sphere. He brings us into alignment with His will, and creates the balance that is sorely needed in our lives, and relationships. God’s love and light exposes phonies, and any faking happening on the singles scene, will fall away and be revealed. God will have His dear ones thanking and praising Him for keeping them from a dead-end relationship. He’ll illuminate the minds of those who truly want to distinguish between the habitual church-attenders and the true believers. And if anyone is currently in the first category, He can fix that, too. God is fierce like that!

Reflective Listening

Here is a technique from the counselor’s handbook that works very well for couples who want to communicate effectively. If we’re honest, when we find ourselves in heated discussions (or arguments), sometimes there is a tendency to either; a.) talk over one another, or; b.) wait until the other person closes their mouth, then take off on our own tangent, never having heard a thing they just said! (or both) This is highly non-productive, destructive and extremely disrespectful. On top of all of that, we haven’t gained any understanding.

Reflective listening is very simple, and can provide both parties with so much more insight into the way the other thinks – which will greatly benefit you both in proportions you can’t imagine, down the line. So, the next time you and your beloved engage in conversation and there is something a little fluky in the translation that you just don’t quite get - before you get it twisted and blow up unnecessarily, try this:

Restate what your mate said, in your own words, as you understood it: i.e. “So, what I'm hearing you say is _______________.” This gives your loved one the opportunity to hear your understanding of what they just said. Many times what they said is not what they meant, and they will correct it immediately, and you can move on from there. However, there are times when what you heard is exactly what they said – and you can both know that the message was effectively transmitted. Each partner should incorporate this technique and with practice, you find it eases the flow of your discussions because you are working on a full and complete understanding at all times, with nothing getting lost in the translation.

This communication tool has the power to strengthen our bonds, when utilized properly. It shows your partner that you value their thoughts, input and opinions enough to get it right – no matter how difficult the topic of discussion. It shows commitment to the covenant you've made to one another. This is about growing together and working on that oneness God intended for us to experience. Try it – I guarantee you will appreciate the difference it will make. Keep it fierce, beloved!

Sharing the Contents of My Husband's Heart

From Boaz Ministries 

Sandy's Silver Lining

It was a painful experience to watch the devastation and loss of life that occurred in my hometown of New York City as a result of Hurricane Sandy. But as I meditate and pray for those affected by Sandy, I realize that God’s DNA was all over that storm and there is much to praise him for in spite of the loss and destruction.

First and foremost, God showed his power and control over the atmospheric elements. Sandy could not be predicted (the severity) or affected by man; nor could man stop Sandy from arriving or control when it left. I can’t help but think that Sandy could have been worse, much worse. The entire eastern edge of our country with all of its inhabitants could be underwater right now. Everyone, rich and poor, of every race, religion, occupation, level of education; every store, every church, every club, everything anyone has of material value - gone.

Sandy reminded us that love for one another is the only real thing we have on this earth; everything else can be gone in an instant. The instant we die, or at the time a natural disaster occurs, or an accident takes place, everything can be taken away. Love can never be taken away.

Sandy also showed us that the human spirit is a powerful thing. Like the days following 9/11, people come together. We come together to help each other, comfort and encourage each other. What better reasons could there be in times of crisis?

Sandy sparked love for one another, prayer for forgiveness and a re-prioritizing of what is important in our lives. This is Sandy’s silver lining. Through whatever means he chooses, God wants us to love one another and care for each other, put away petty differences; for no one knows the time or place when our precarious time on earth will end.


Bruce