From Boaz Ministries
This
condition is more common than people think. And for years now, couples
getting married “in the church” have been divorcing at the same rate as
those who don’t profess any religious beliefs.
Today,we’ll discuss, briefly, the fallacy that it’s all good to marry church-going folks, because, after all, they “believe.” The question, however, is: “what do they believe?” Back in the day, I used to think a pretty good sign of a potential husband was someone who would go to church with me. Of course, that “magical thinking” quickly faded because anyone can put on a good front for a little while. I also thought, for a time, that those who were raised in the same faith, or denomination, were good to go. (get married, that is) Wrong. I also used to think that couples who were not of the same religious backgrounds were destined for divorce, and were as unequally yoked as a church-goer and an unbeliever. Wrong, again.
People who are mature in the Faith (on the meat, and not the milk), understand that it takes much more than a force-fed 12-step Bible study, a quick dip in the baptismal pool (and then a mad dash down the aisle), to make a Godly union work. I know too many men and women who erroneously pursued a spouse (whether in or out of the church), determining that God had answered their prayers- only to feel stuck in a loveless marriage; or end it in a messy divorce. This can be extremely traumatic for church people, because, unlike the rest of the world, most of us believe it when we read in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce. (He never divorces us; we leave Him) Church people are even stepping beyond the one “out” God gave us to divorce – adultery (which doesn’t have to be the end of marriage, and oftentimes is overcome). So what is going on? And what in the world is “irreconcilable differences”? (And why doesn’t God ever use that one against us?)
In my studied opinion, when our own relationship with the Lord isn’t as tight as it should be – we can’t hear Him or receive His warnings. We want what we want, and we’ll twist, bend, and compromise what we believe to get married. That he or she is a fellow “believer”, is one of the biggest tricks of all. We should be asking: What is their relationship with the Lord? (as opposed to how many offices they hold in the church; or the fact that they show up in the House regularly). How willing are they to grow in the Lord? Is she or he interested in going to the next level in their spiritual growth? What is their conversation? (lifestyle) Do they inspire and uplift you? Conversely, what do you bring to the table that is essential to building a stronger union because you’re in it? Are you both committed to working TOGETHER?
Merely attending church is not enough. Most of us know this. We should be mindful of what our lives look like the other six days of the week. This message is for the singles and the married. This is meant to challenge us to examine ourselves much more thoroughly before moving forward. Married couples – it’s not too late to correct and redirect. My hope is that we look deeper than our denomination as the main guideline for a loving spouse. So many of the same denomination are cussing, fussing, fighting, and pressing charges against one another (and going to jail!). Too many are overlooking the characteristic of most importance: Does he or she LOVE the Lord with all their heart, soul, strength and mind – and their neighbor as themselves? (Luke 10:27) Might that be a tall order to pray and wait for, or, as married couples, unite and work on? Let me ask this: Does anyone really have the time or the fortitude to leap into an unknown and most assuredly emotionally damaging abyss because of impatience, or wither away in a spiritually dead marriage because either or both are too tired or disgusted?
It boils down to trust in the Lord; really trusting Him. It’s about allowing Him to work on and in us – it is the first and most important act of submitting we’ll ever do. I know, I know, easy for me to write, but tough to accomplish. I’m a living witness to the power of God, and how His working inside us radiates through us and outward to everyone in our sphere. He brings us into alignment with His will, and creates the balance that is sorely needed in our lives, and relationships. God’s love and light exposes phonies, and any faking happening on the singles scene, will fall away and be revealed. God will have His dear ones thanking and praising Him for keeping them from a dead-end relationship. He’ll illuminate the minds of those who truly want to distinguish between the habitual church-attenders and the true believers. And if anyone is currently in the first category, He can fix that, too. God is fierce like that!
Today,we’ll discuss, briefly, the fallacy that it’s all good to marry church-going folks, because, after all, they “believe.” The question, however, is: “what do they believe?” Back in the day, I used to think a pretty good sign of a potential husband was someone who would go to church with me. Of course, that “magical thinking” quickly faded because anyone can put on a good front for a little while. I also thought, for a time, that those who were raised in the same faith, or denomination, were good to go. (get married, that is) Wrong. I also used to think that couples who were not of the same religious backgrounds were destined for divorce, and were as unequally yoked as a church-goer and an unbeliever. Wrong, again.
People who are mature in the Faith (on the meat, and not the milk), understand that it takes much more than a force-fed 12-step Bible study, a quick dip in the baptismal pool (and then a mad dash down the aisle), to make a Godly union work. I know too many men and women who erroneously pursued a spouse (whether in or out of the church), determining that God had answered their prayers- only to feel stuck in a loveless marriage; or end it in a messy divorce. This can be extremely traumatic for church people, because, unlike the rest of the world, most of us believe it when we read in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce. (He never divorces us; we leave Him) Church people are even stepping beyond the one “out” God gave us to divorce – adultery (which doesn’t have to be the end of marriage, and oftentimes is overcome). So what is going on? And what in the world is “irreconcilable differences”? (And why doesn’t God ever use that one against us?)
In my studied opinion, when our own relationship with the Lord isn’t as tight as it should be – we can’t hear Him or receive His warnings. We want what we want, and we’ll twist, bend, and compromise what we believe to get married. That he or she is a fellow “believer”, is one of the biggest tricks of all. We should be asking: What is their relationship with the Lord? (as opposed to how many offices they hold in the church; or the fact that they show up in the House regularly). How willing are they to grow in the Lord? Is she or he interested in going to the next level in their spiritual growth? What is their conversation? (lifestyle) Do they inspire and uplift you? Conversely, what do you bring to the table that is essential to building a stronger union because you’re in it? Are you both committed to working TOGETHER?
Merely attending church is not enough. Most of us know this. We should be mindful of what our lives look like the other six days of the week. This message is for the singles and the married. This is meant to challenge us to examine ourselves much more thoroughly before moving forward. Married couples – it’s not too late to correct and redirect. My hope is that we look deeper than our denomination as the main guideline for a loving spouse. So many of the same denomination are cussing, fussing, fighting, and pressing charges against one another (and going to jail!). Too many are overlooking the characteristic of most importance: Does he or she LOVE the Lord with all their heart, soul, strength and mind – and their neighbor as themselves? (Luke 10:27) Might that be a tall order to pray and wait for, or, as married couples, unite and work on? Let me ask this: Does anyone really have the time or the fortitude to leap into an unknown and most assuredly emotionally damaging abyss because of impatience, or wither away in a spiritually dead marriage because either or both are too tired or disgusted?
It boils down to trust in the Lord; really trusting Him. It’s about allowing Him to work on and in us – it is the first and most important act of submitting we’ll ever do. I know, I know, easy for me to write, but tough to accomplish. I’m a living witness to the power of God, and how His working inside us radiates through us and outward to everyone in our sphere. He brings us into alignment with His will, and creates the balance that is sorely needed in our lives, and relationships. God’s love and light exposes phonies, and any faking happening on the singles scene, will fall away and be revealed. God will have His dear ones thanking and praising Him for keeping them from a dead-end relationship. He’ll illuminate the minds of those who truly want to distinguish between the habitual church-attenders and the true believers. And if anyone is currently in the first category, He can fix that, too. God is fierce like that!
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