Here is a technique from the counselor’s handbook that works very well
for couples who want to communicate effectively. If we’re honest, when
we find ourselves in heated discussions (or arguments), sometimes there
is a tendency to either; a.) talk over
one another, or; b.) wait until the other person closes their mouth,
then take off on our own tangent, never having heard a thing they just
said! (or both) This is highly non-productive, destructive and extremely
disrespectful. On top of all of that, we haven’t gained any
understanding.
Reflective listening is very simple, and can provide both parties with so much more insight into the way the other thinks – which will greatly benefit you both in proportions you can’t imagine, down the line. So, the next time you and your beloved engage in conversation and there is something a little fluky in the translation that you just don’t quite get - before you get it twisted and blow up unnecessarily, try this:
Restate what your mate said, in your own words, as you understood it: i.e. “So, what I'm hearing you say is _______________.” This gives your loved one the opportunity to hear your understanding of what they just said. Many times what they said is not what they meant, and they will correct it immediately, and you can move on from there. However, there are times when what you heard is exactly what they said – and you can both know that the message was effectively transmitted. Each partner should incorporate this technique and with practice, you find it eases the flow of your discussions because you are working on a full and complete understanding at all times, with nothing getting lost in the translation.
This communication tool has the power to strengthen our bonds, when utilized properly. It shows your partner that you value their thoughts, input and opinions enough to get it right – no matter how difficult the topic of discussion. It shows commitment to the covenant you've made to one another. This is about growing together and working on that oneness God intended for us to experience. Try it – I guarantee you will appreciate the difference it will make. Keep it fierce, beloved!
Reflective listening is very simple, and can provide both parties with so much more insight into the way the other thinks – which will greatly benefit you both in proportions you can’t imagine, down the line. So, the next time you and your beloved engage in conversation and there is something a little fluky in the translation that you just don’t quite get - before you get it twisted and blow up unnecessarily, try this:
Restate what your mate said, in your own words, as you understood it: i.e. “So, what I'm hearing you say is _______________.” This gives your loved one the opportunity to hear your understanding of what they just said. Many times what they said is not what they meant, and they will correct it immediately, and you can move on from there. However, there are times when what you heard is exactly what they said – and you can both know that the message was effectively transmitted. Each partner should incorporate this technique and with practice, you find it eases the flow of your discussions because you are working on a full and complete understanding at all times, with nothing getting lost in the translation.
This communication tool has the power to strengthen our bonds, when utilized properly. It shows your partner that you value their thoughts, input and opinions enough to get it right – no matter how difficult the topic of discussion. It shows commitment to the covenant you've made to one another. This is about growing together and working on that oneness God intended for us to experience. Try it – I guarantee you will appreciate the difference it will make. Keep it fierce, beloved!
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