A Word or Two About Cherishing the Love - repost

I wrote this the weekend after my husband's memorial services. Be edified and encouraged as you begin this new year!

A WORD OR TWO ABOUT CHERISHING THE LOVE

By Bridgette Wynn, May 22, 2010

Hello all -

First I must thank you for your prayers, thoughtful acts, cards, phone calls, and excellent care of me and my family during this intense time of transition for us. We truly appreciate the showers of blessings and love - it is soothing, necessary, welcomed!

Many of you have asked me how I'm able to put two words together and be coherent. I feel you. (smile) It has occurred to me that my current state of mind may be unusual. But I thought about it and decided while it may be unusual to many, my "cool" and my affect are being completely controlled by God's Holy Spirit. He is holding me together! Trust!

There is another important piece to my peace of mind; this has everything to do with the chain of events before Bro Wynn's accident (March 1), up to the day he died. (May 8). Our 11 years in active outreach ministry laid some essential "relationship skills" on top of what we already had going on in the years prior to 1999. And...we had it going on! (smile)

But God began to show us a new thing from 1999 forward. He dealt with us, through our study of His Word, on how we must love one another (and our neighbor as ourselves). He worked on us individually - showing us issues we needed to get straight with Him and with each other. I began to understand more fully, as did Bro Wynn, what this "one-ness" was truly about. We came to realize that the marriage bond was God's way of giving us the opportunity to experience what HE has with the Son and the Holy Spirit...and what He also desires to share WITH US! And we wanted to take our experience to the next level! It was exciting!

The first of this year, Bro Wynn and I entered into an intense prayer ministry. We prayed for friends, loved ones, the unlovely, everyone, two times a day. We called people by name and needs spoken and unspoken. And we knew that we had to be clean before the Lord in order to intercede for others. We went into purification, preparing our hearts, fasting and praying for spiritual strength and wisdom. It was on! Bro Wynn encouraged the members of Revived! to join in the prayer ministry with us to strengthen us as a music ministry - and to see the awesome power of God move on behalf of those for whom we were praying.

It was working! We were witnessing incredible spiritual milestones in our lives, and in the lives of people we had been praying for. Then March 1 came, and my husband was struck by the drunk driver - but his life was spared...for a time. When he came home to convalesce, I had him all to myself! He had me all to himself! WE HAD EACH OTHER ALL TO OURSELVES!! He told me that he knew he'd been spared by God so that he could have more time to get things right with the Lord, and to encourage more people. He knew that his life at that point, was a testimony of the mighty Hand of God. If I could describe how close he and I became during those 68 days, I would try. Please believe me when I say that the Lord took us to the next level! Bro Wynn told a couple of his male friends about it. He said..."my wife and I have been praying for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit; for the Lord to show us His true path and let us know if we are going in the right direction. And you know what? He has!"

During those precious few days we had left, we got things straight between us. He had said that the one thing that was different about himself since his accident, was he was much more emotional...sensitive. And he shared the beauty of his heart and soul with me...daily. And I reciprocated...it was easy. And we continued to pray, and study the Word together. Sometimes he would just have me read his favorite Psalms while he closed his eyes and meditated. We cherished the time...looked forward to our quiet hours.

Keep in mind..the nest had been empty since the fall of 2009 when our last child went away to college. But Bro Wynn was still ripping and running back and forth to Los Angeles, doing his business. We would only have time on the week-end...and that we shared with others in ministry. This...in 2010, was different, and so special. And I thank the Lord we took advantage of each moment.

There was nothing left unsaid. Nothing was left undone. When the doctor came to me with the horrible news, my heart was full. All I wanted to do was see him, kiss him, whisper my love and a prayer over him. It is well with my soul, my friends because God made sure we took the time to get closer to Him, and each other.

You who have spouses and sweethearts, please....let the Lord draw you and keep you close to His bosom. Let Him show you how to cherish the love He's given. I guarantee you will have no regrets.

In Memoriam

What happened was...


March 1, 2010, my husband, Lamont, and I were walking along a road about dusk. We were in mid-conversation, he had turned to me (I was to his right, he was on the outside) to say something, and in the next instant, he was gone. A car had come from behind us and hit him. It had been a drunk driver. But he didn't flee the scene. And my husband survived this trauma, by God's grace alone. I remember raising my fists to the sky that night, and yelling up at God, "NOT TONIGHT! I WILL NOT BE A WIDOW TONIGHT!! NO, LORD! NO!"

My husband's prognosis was good. Fractured bones, but no brain damage, and no internal injuries. A miracle! It was reasonable to expect him to walk our eldest daughter down the aisle in July, maybe with the assistance of a crutch. He did very well in his rehabilitation. Always the overachiever, he was released a week ahead of schedule. He had plans. We also had a graduation to attend in May. Our second child was finishing college in Alabama. And the doctors gave my husband the green light to travel. Bro Wynn didn't want to be anywhere else but at his daughter's graduation the weekend of May 8, 2010.  We boarded our flight on May 5, because of celebrations taking place on the 6th - a President's reception for the parents of the graduates. We made it. The weekend was ahead, with all the great things it promised.

The following is the "peace" I wrote the day after my husband died. It was for all our friends and family to read the details of what took place that weekend. I post it here for those who don't know.

JUST SO YOU KNOW

By Bridgette G. Wynn

May 9, 2010

My college sweetheart, Rufus Lamont Wynn, passed away after suffering a massive heart attack at approximately 6:27 p.m. CST on this past Sabbath (May 8), at the Huntsville Hospital. He had enjoyed a beautiful time with family and friends; starting with the President's reception for parents of the graduates on Thursday night, Consecration ceremony on Friday night, and Baccalaureate on Sabbath morning. There were no signs of potential problems. However, the probable cause for the heart attack was PE (pulmonary embolism - blood clot).

After taking a short nap in between Sabbath dinner and the upcoming Commencement ceremony, Lamont got up to go the restroom. However, on his way, he was stricken with what was determined to be a stroke, fell to the floor in the hallway, and began to seize. His sister, an RN, was present and was able to stabilize him as EMT were on their way. Lamont became coherent and spoke to us, saying he wanted to continue going where he was trying to go; he even tried to get up. Then, in his usual way, he began to pray. (hallelujah) His mother was by his side praying, as was I. The paramedics arrived and his sister, Gloria, began giving them his vital information. She directed them to get the portable EKG machine. Later she would tell me she knew he was in cardiac arrest.

We only had moments - but by God's grace and wisdom, I instructed the graduate party (Angela and all the family and friends gathered), to go on to the ceremony. It wasn't to start for 2 hours. I went in the ambulance with Lamont. I rode in front with the driver. Everyone had begun praying - and I made some calls.

When we arrived at the hospital, they took him in immediately and someone showed me to a small family waiting room. I never saw him again, alive. The doctor came to me about 30 minutes later and said they had done all they could to revive him, but were unable. He also told me that had they been able to start his heart, he would have been brain dead. GOD IS MERCIFUL!!

For the second time in 68 days, God has had His people in place! He always does! Lamont was surrounded by his family, his 3 children, and long time friends from grade school, high school and college! What a time!! And to show you just how careful of details our God is - our friend, Karen Watson, lives here in Huntsville, and is a licensed mortician. She is also a former Revived! member and also sang in a trio with us, called "Signed, Sealed and Delivered". We had fellowship with her during this visit, and were planning to get together and sing some of our old songs...God fixed it so that we used her funeral home! She herself - took care of transporting Lamont from the hospital, and preparing him for the trip back to California. And thanks to Teria Bryant, his body will be met at the Ontario airport by the owner of McKays Family Mortuary.

God is good!! We have felt the love and prayers. We appreciate so much, your calls and beautiful words and thoughts...God gave you to us, to celebrate with us, to fellowship with us, and to cry with us. Lamont was well loved - so many people have come by to pray, sing and reminisce.

I bless the Lord for allowing me to be wife of Lamont for 31 years, and mother of his children. I met him on the steps of Peterson Hall at Oakwood College, Huntsville, AL, 37 years ago. I kissed him good-bye in the Huntsville hospital on May 8, as the Sabbath was coming to a close. There will be a memorial service for my man, which will be announced.

All who knew Lamont, know he loved the Lord, and the Bible. I encourage us to remember how precious and fragile this life truly is. Let's grow closer to the Lord, make our calling and election sure (2 Peter 1:10), study to show ourselves approved unto God (2 Timothy 2:15), love one another as Jesus loves us (John 13:34-35), that we may be found standing in that great multitude that no man could number! (Revelation 7:9-17) These were some of Lamont's favorite texts; texts he tried to live by, by God's Holy Spirit.

Finally, my dearly beloved, think on these things:

1 Thessalonians 4: 13-18

13But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 14For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
15For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. 16For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: 17Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. 18Wherefore comfort one another with these words.


 

Pictorial memories of a strong, 35-year love relationship. Bro Wynn is gone, but never will be forgotten. I'm so blessed to have had him in my life, to grow through the good and the bad times, and come out victorious and in love and on one accord with God and each other when our time was done! Amen, Lord Jesus! Thank You for showing me how it should be done!

Rufus Lamont "Pooky" Wynn, 6/26/1954 - 5/8/2010

 Annual Family Holiday Party, 2008

 The five of us,

Mother's Day, circa 2003

 You caught it, son, now hold it!

Family Photo Shoot, Daddy and his girls, Ashley and Angela

 Holding our newest baby,  screaming Angela!!

Family Photo Shoot,  The four of us

 Father and son

Jonathan's first haircut

 Happy college grads, 1977, Oakwood College!

 Love that smile!

 At home, 2008

 A bittersweet day for us

 Our wedding day, January 21, 1979 - Super Bowl Sunday!!!!

May 8, 2010 - Bro Wynn's last day. He was so proud of our daughter, Angela.

 In our best friends' wedding,  11/1979

 A night under the stars, jazz concert

 Sweetheart's Banquet, circa 1975 -Oakwood College

"Pooky", what a handsome boy!
 
Rest in peace, Bro. Wynn, your legacy of love lives on in all our hearts!

Post Script

My email notification from Facebook showed that I deactivated my account at 4:54 p.m., December 30, 2011. There's a blurb about reactivation, should I ever decide to do so. I am pleased to report that I have come through this cold turkey experience with minimal difficulty. When I've thought to "check the haps" - within nanoseconds my brain has reminded me there's nothing to check. And I just move on to the next thing... (I've purchased some good books to read at the start of the new year; then there's the incomplete manuscripts)

I need to take this moment to also say that I "met" a great many wonderful people while I was on Facebook. I realize the list I published in yesterday's post didn't give a positive picture of my 700+  friends. That wasn't fair. My network was quite the A list of African American authors, bookstore owners, academicians, artists, musicians and students of both the Bible and Torah. I reconnected with family and friends; a blessing beyond words! Ok, I may have exaggerated when I listed atheists (because I don't believe I had FB acquaintances with straight up atheistic views) - but in a few instances, honestly, people who claimed to be one thing, "spoke" and "acted" like something else. (with pictures to prove it!) There was too much of that for my taste. And yes, I mean there were Christians (by their own description) who did not deport themselves that way on their pages.(and thus, I came to see the varying ideas people have about Christianity and what it looks like) I found myself having to delete/block/hide a whole lotta folks' posts.

The beauty of this internet is the ability to reach out and stay in touch across the time zones and the miles. Believe me when I tell you, while I was on Facebook, I got on many a mailing list, and became a follower of several blog pages of my favorites. Keeping up with these people through their websites will be my extreme pleasure. I can feast on their words, enjoy their music, purchase their latest offerings - in complete peace and quiet. I can drop a line, add a comment, or say nothing at all - but they'll know I'm out here flowing!

Just want to say that my experience on Facebook wasn't negative. It was an important season in my life. And I want to publicly thank those who enriched my life during the time I was on - maybe 2 years. There are those who helped me get through the roughest time of my life through prayers and words of encouragement. You know who you are. Thank you, from the depths of my heart! And may God continue to bless you and your house! 

Social Network

I had a conversation with a few famblee members at my cousin's annual holiday party last Saturday night. And something two of them said gave me pause. Both younger than I, a male and a female - they gave their opinions about this social network craze. All right, we were talking about Facebook! (as if you didn't know)

The young lady (early 30s, single mom of a son) said she doesn't like to go on FB because she gets depressed. Yeah. She said she sees everybody's pictures, people having a good time, laughing it up with friends and loved ones, and that's not her life. So she doesn't go on very often. It makes her sad and she feels like a misfit. I was surprised to hear this. And the young man - also in his 30s, married with two daughters - piped up and said, "Facebook is evil!" He has a comedic way about him, so his demeanor, delivery and timing made it sound very funny. But ol boy was dead serious. He said there have been studies recently that are showing the psychological affect these social networks have on people... and folks are suffering from all types of emotional and mental maladies because of what they perceive is happening in other people's lives on these networks. And really, I know that folks are faking the funk! For millions, the life they post in pictures, is just a snapshot of a moment...(and most of the time, a moment they never should have published for all to see!) But it doesn't represent their REAL lives.

The young man went on to say that most people, when they open their eyes in the morning, before doing anything else - before thanking God for a new day, they'll roll over to their laptops, or their cell phones, and check in on Facebook! He said folks won't talk to their spouses, their children, have their coffee BEFORE logging on. And I had to agree, there is something very wrong with that. So he challenged me to just take a week off, maybe "lurk", but just read what folks are saying... and gain a different view, and possibly put something else in its place - of IMPORTANCE. Because, I admit - I can spend quite a bit of time online, reading here, viewing videos there, responding hither, thither and yon cause I gotta add my 5 cents (inflation)... and then the afternoon is all gone.

It's not that I didn't know all of the above was going on, or that this new strain of "depression" could possibly occur - I just felt that I was somehow immune to it. I actually talked myself into believing I was serving a positive, even Godly purpose by being on Facebook. (well, the truth is, I had some help from friends who felt I had a Godly purpose for being there) I had thought of deactivating my account shortly after my husband died  suddenly, of a blood clot in 2010... but writing and sharing helped my grieving process. I was able to encourage myself and others - to LOVE IN THE MOMENT, EVERY MOMENT because we never know - It worked for me. People shared that it was beneficial to them, too. But somewhere, along the way, I see that I've also become addicted and my time online is not being utilized in the most efficient ways possible. (I blogged that I have several unfinished manuscripts - hmmmmmm)

So after a week of observing the mass messages - the MESSages from the myriad of mindsets... from the sublime to the ridiculous, I sat, amazed! ... I read my page and the multitude of posts from the atheists, the agnostics, to the free thinkers to the new agers to the orthodox Jews, to the Messianic Jews, to the folks steeped in the indoctrination of churchianity (aka modern Christianity - my terms, my opinion) which includes a very broad range of belief systems - to those who call themselves "Believers" or "True Believers", to the capitalists to the nationalists, to the socialists, to the Pan Africanists, the 99 percenters and EVERYBODY else in between who ain't reppin right at the moment, but are on the verge (the closeted, the down-low, the undecided)...My head was literally spinning - like vertigo! And I realized...I'm over this! I've got my work to do.

The last straw was when I found out there will be a new format, starting in a few days - a timeline format that I suppose folks will gleefully hop on and put ALL THE REST of their personal business, pictures, etc. The kicker is, there is no option to NOT accept this change. So, I'm taking this opportunity "to break from the herd and perhaps buy myself a little more time to think for myself." (I quoted myself just now, lol)

This blog serves as a place I can express my thoughts...share with those who care to read. I'm not trying to impress anyone here. I won't be throwing up family pictures and posting every mundane occurrence in my day. I don't expect comments. I actually don't require them. (those who know me in real time, would say, yeah, because I don't give anybody room edgewise into a convo - NOT TRUE! hahaha!) My hope for this blog thing is that I be of encouragement to folks. I don't have much, just some human experience with some  Supernatural help (correction - A LOT of Supernatural help!). That I can share. And I'm very sure that's part of my purpose in this life.

I'm hoping you'll glean something of spiritual value from this network here. For the time being, I'm good with having a little more control here, than what those other networks offer.

Peace!

I choose my battles, but

I better say my peace...

Recently,  I received a friend request on FB from someone (else) I don't know. Mind you, I have over 700 friends- and if you read what I blogged about my stance on friendships, then you already know...



After I did my usual inspection of the requester's page and saw some mutual friends I respect, I accepted. So, why, after two minutes into this new association, did I get this inbox message about my celebrating Christmas (because they do not), and other such assumptions/attacks? (My mouth is still agape at this!) "I don't even KNOW you!"

Then I decided to do something I really didn't have to do. I took this person to task on the assumptions about my religious beliefs and offers to pray for me.  Those of you out there who are FB friends of mine, with the exception of my children, will know this is the first time I'm saying the following:

About 5 years ago, Bro Wynn and I decided we were done with Christmas. (I had started having "Scrooge-like" feelings even before that, to my kids' dismay) We had put many years and even more hard earned dollars into it - and our children enjoyed it every year. We enjoyed it, too; especially Bro Wynn! (big kid that he was) Around 2006, our home had its last great tree.(ours were the bomb for YEARS!) However, there are traditions surrounding this holiday that I still engage in, like the family get together (which is a wonderful, wonderful experience every year at my cousins'). But Christmas as the birthday of Jesus Christ - NOT! (the "Christmas story" in the New Testament did not take place in December! Yeah, I'm a literal daughter-of-a-gun!) And Christmas as the commercial feeding frenzy of  masses upon masses of two-legged lemmings - ABSOLUTELY NOT! Can't participate! My study of the Bible and the Hebraic roots that have been muted by modern Christianity- rewarded me with the knowledge that the most legitimate celebration at this time of year is Chanukah. Nothing to do with Christ's birth, mind you - yet significant because of what it does represent.(a wonderful miracle!)  One would have to look in 1&2 Maccabees to discover this, which ties to prophecies in Daniel 8. Then there is the fact that Jesus Himself celebrated it along with all the other Jews ( hence, a long established holy day): the  feast of the dedication, mentioned in John 10:22-23. 

All of the above constitutes how, over time, I became underwhelmed by the celebration of Christmas. Yet I do not celebrate Chanukah. I simply gained knowledge about this holiday and have respect for it. I'm hoping this lets people know that while I enjoy the warm fuzzies that occur at this time of year, my favorite holiday of all is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, which is far, far removed from pilgrims, native Americans and has zero to do with me or my people (the blacks).  Still, Thanksgiving is a holiday with rich meaning for many families.  I'm saying I like the ambiance, the great food, the family gatherings... but you won't hear me wish anyone "Merry Christmas". I will say, "Happy holidays!" or "Seasons' greetings" or "Blessings to you and yours this holiday season", because we've got about three holidays going on during this time, right? Plus, I genuinely wish good will toward wo/men. I wish that for all of us year round. Yeah, I'm probably being a bit of a pill about my non-use of the word "Christmas", but you gotta also know that when "they" started using the "X" instead of spelling out "Christ" - it didn't offend me.(though I understand why Christians who love this holiday are offended by "Xmas")  I'm saying I'm cool with the celebration of Kwanzaa. I'm also saying I am supportive of families who start their own traditions and pass them down throughout their generations. I support people's embrace of what these holidays mean to them - not what merchants dictate...

I'm saying that I'm not here to foist my beliefs on anyone. And I'm hoping that above all, you know I'm about learning more, growing more and sharing MORE LOVE!!

Peace, joy and crazy love be yours in the new year!







 

Pictures I thought I'd lost...et cetera

Well, now I'm kinda inspired to finish at least one of my incomplete manuscripts!

It was a thrill to have a book signing at my local B&N almost six years ago!  The month of my 50th birthday had been a busy time in 2006. I was quite the local celeb; in newspapers and all that jazz! Talk about your 15 minutes of fame - it was a dream I NEVER had! I've been writing in fits and starts since then; at times I'd get frustrated by that. Then it occurred to me that I won't publish again until I have something of importance to say. Much as I like to talk, I'm not crazy enough to think everything I write is of interest to folks, or good for public consumption....

However, as Bob Marley and the Wailers said, "I've got so much things to say!" (always loved that song!)  My magnum opus (at least in my mind) is titled Hosea's Wife, a novel.  I've been plotting, outlining, planning, thinking, dreaming, and scribbling it out for almost 10 years! I'm totally getting that it takes a LOT OF DISCIPLINE to write a novel. (oy vey, that's so not me!) Then there's a collection of short short stories and poems that belong to The Woman in My Attic - 12 years in the making and counting. I've got an unfinished manuscript titled This October - a very special piece about and for women... "the sisterhood" of us. (I posted an excerpt from it on this blog called I Am My Sister's Keeper). I think men might find it beneficial, too. And then there's a children's book with Penny's Worth as the working title. There's a short, short story completely finished titled, The Taste of Sin - it is being considered for inclusion in an anthology. I have a few other poems that are published in anthologies and quite a few throughout the internet, under my former screen name, Alyce. So, yeah, I've got a lot stuff from 10-12 years ago that I rather flippantly posted online (poetry websites, etc.), and even more unfinished business in the works. I have no idea if they will ever see the light of day.

Come, Joy! (PublishAmerica, 2005) is a collection of poems that had been written over a period of seven years. It emerged from a time of intense inspiration. I didn't set out to publish it as a body. However, at the urging of other writers to publish, I found that the body was there already. And as I posted in another place, one of my girlfriends, Gay Johnston, found the journey. I simply gathered together about 70 poems that were speaking to me in clear, distinct ways, and gave them to her. I even added a poem that I didn't think belonged with the rest, and told her there was one that I felt was out of place without saying which one it was. After about a week, she met with me and showed me four categories/chapters she found. Sure enough, she also identified the poem that didn't fit!

It was a beautiful, busy time, that year 2005-2006. Doing the work , as I'd heard Maya Angelou say in an interview years ago, was all important. Getting the work done... became my reward, my joy. If I never wrote another word, or published another book - I did the work! I got it done. Writing is indeed something I enjoy, but I'm not good with deadlines,  I tried my hand at freelance journalism with online and traditional newspapers. Very grateful for the experiences, but I know I'm better writing as the Spirit moves. I'll wait for the divine directive to publish again as well.

I'm gonna sign off  now, and share these pics I found tucked away in a file I thought I'd lost....

Kinda makes me want to finish at least one of my incomplete manuscripts! As you can see by all my teeth, I was a happy gal! Kinda makes me want to do it again...

 The cupcakes were for my birthday! March 21, 2006 - the big 5-0!

 My nieces, Kelsey and Shelby! Built in fans!

 That's Gay Johnston, the one who found the journey!

 Signin and sellin!

 My BFF Renee on the right, and her Mom, Barbara K. Supporting a sister!

Sharing a little bit from the book... as Shelby comes from the stacks!

The Legacy of Purity - repost

Had the most amazing conversation with a young woman the other day. She's a wife, mother of three, married for 10 years; and as it often happens, she opened up to me about her life. ( and, I wasn't even getting paid to listen!!!!)

Well this young lady, (let's call her Elise), is a believer.  At the outset she asked me if I believe in God, to which I said "yes". She was thorough, too, because she then asked, "Ok, that's good. But do you believe in Jesus Christ?" I gave her a knowing smile and answered her, again, in the affirmative. (there do be a difference, don'tchaknow)

Elise began sharing her faith with me, discussing family values and what she and her husband are teaching their children. I found her conversation refreshing; I mean, she's in her mid-thirties and upholds principles that today's society looks upon as old fashioned, out dated and irrelevant. Truth be told, a great deal of society's moral standards (or lack of same) have crept into "churchianity".(which, by definition of my new fave term, explains the decline)

Anyway, we were flowing, touching and agreeing on spiritual topics, when she proudly announced that she had been a virgin when she got married. I was flabbergasted (ok, maybe that's too over-the-top - but I was happily surprised, to say the least). And as I was gathering myself to respond, she went on to say that her mother and father had also saved themselves for marriage, as did her mother's mother and father, before that! I was appropriately "WOWed!" And I congratulated her for recognizing the significance of doing so.

I've always believed that the Lord really knew what He was doing when He created such a beautiful gift for humankind. It is a sacred thing, that, unfortunately, has become so common and unspecial today, that people completely miss how awesome sexual intimacy between two people truly is, who are committed to the long haul!

Elise understood the specialness of her promise to God to present herself pure and untouched, to her husband. She said she can see the difference it makes when looking at friends and others around her - with so many premarital sexual experiences weighing on people's emotions, psyches, and impacting their physical/medical well being. She said she and her husband are enjoying better sex than most of their friends (based on unsolicited testimonies - you know how women talk, good or bad, we talk!) And she's excited because she knows that intimacy, of which sex is just a small part, will only get better as the years go by. (I had to second that emotion!)

They will pass their legacy of purity on to their children, sharing their belief in God's plan for His people. And I can tell it won't be a hell fire and brimstone sermon...there's no need for that. There's plenty of Scripture to support the wise admonishing and loving counsel God has given to ensure that His children experience that abundant life Jesus spoke about in John 10:10.

I was pleased, impressed, and proud to make Elise's acquaintance. Thought I'd pass it on to you...

I wanna know - repost

I was talking with one of my (actual) girlfriends the other night about the very real, very crazy phenom that seems to be cropping up more and more... LOVELESS, FRIGID SISTAS who are MARRIED and DON'T EVEN LIKE THEIR HUSBANDS! And these are decent, hard working brothas who do what most women would LOVE their men to do.

I am hypersensitive to this topic. My thing is - you betta cherish the love while you have it ... you may not have tomorrow.

I know of a brotha who said  he didn't play his  music in the house when his wife was home because she doesn't like music! I thought he was lying! But let me back up. Here he was, husband, father, educated (doctorate degrees and stuff), with their three children one Friday doing chores, getting the house ready for Shabbat. Mother, business owner, was still at work. And the music was flowing, the children were happily busy and humming along to the music of my youth, when I stopped by to drop some things off. It was a warm experience for me those short moments I was there. And when I remarked that he was raising his kids right (as I always say when the younguns know something about REAL music) - that's when he told me he can't play it when his wife is home. Now, that's a foreign concept to me - coming from a musical family as I did, and having music in my home with my late husband and our kids. For me, this was a serious red flag. And I was right. Longer story short - turns out that's not all the wife didn't like in her house. They're now separated and divorce is eminent. Children are doing the back and forth shuffle between two houses.  Smh...

In another strange account, a sista confided that she doesn't even know why she got married. She doesn't like sex; she can't stand for her husband to touch her. This sista actually rolled her eyes and moved away from her husband when he tried to hold her hand in church!! And this husband is one of the most attentive, gentle souls you ever want to meet! He built a home gym on their property for her - out of which she was running fitness classes. It was widely noticed how she would belittle her husband whenever he came around. He's a jovial guy, and enjoyed joking around with the other men who were in the class. His wife was always telling him to leave, that he was disrupting the sessions. Being a fitness buff himself, he would sometimes stay....and suffer criticism after criticism.  It was clear that he was in HER world whenever he stepped foot in that fab home gym. This sista has made it clear that she's not leaving that gym for anything - she put too much money in it! You also best believe they live like roommates sharing space (but not a bed) in the house! Smh...

These stories can be corroborated. This isn't fiction. And from what I understand, there are more and more sistas out there whose men are under appreciated. Prime catches for "the clean up woman". These men happen to be strong men of Faith, who aren't trying to hook up with a convenient situation. They want their families.  But I  sometimes wonder where the real mates for these two brothas are. Was there a mistake somewhere in the cosmos? I wonder what quirk of circumstance and timing - what time-space continuum broke down to cause such a mismatch. How in the world does a woman who hates music (and forbids it in the home) get with a man who absolutely loves it? And how does it happen that an affectionate, passionate man mate up with a cold fish? But most importantly, why don't these women understand the gifts they are throwing away? There are soooo many, many, many women who would love men like these two, and TREAT THEM LIKE THE KINGS THEY ARE!! Smh...

God don't like ugly. In my humble opinion, God wasn't consulted when these folk got together...and He was never invited in by both parties even after the trouble started. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these men don't have  faults. But in these instances, both men prefer to work things out and are fighting for their relationships. The sistas are not being reasonable. Not even nice! It's so crazy because their complaints against their men are so incredibly weak! "He never does anything right," "He's too controlling," "He's always trying to touch me," (??), "He's so childish!" (My sistas, is THAT ALL? Do you not know how much worse it could be?? Shut up and count your blessings!!)  I personally cannot be around women who have good men, and do not appreciate what they have. I seem to repel women who mistreat and disrespect their men. They already know my stance, and they don't want to hear from me. I don't engage in, nor encourage male bashing. I don't support man haters, or women who must wear the pants and be in control of the household.  Smh...

I'm disgusted enough to hope they read this post! I hope it causes some serious introspection and much needed self-evaluation. What's really wrong? He always brings home the paycheck and pays the bills. He has NEVER cheated on you. He indulges your craziness; supports your dreams, takes you on expensive vacations, makes sure you get your hair did. The brotha cleans the house, takes out the trash, babysits when you go out with your girls, feeds the pets. Why you treat him so badly? Yeah, YOU!

Smh...

I wanna know....

And now, a word for my heavenly Sponsor

I thought I'd depart from the pedestrian ramblings of a claustrophobic attic-dweller for a moment, and update the readers on more noteworthy happenings.

The Skype Bible study we began in May, is still going strong. However, because of  technical difficulties we kept experiencing during our group sessions, we moved to another online venue called Google Hangout. Familiar with this?  So far, it's working very well.

We began our study on LOVE - the way it's supposed to look among believers. And we learned that the expression and practice of this type of love can't be performed under our human power. Who can truly love their enemies? (enemies...could be fellow "believers" or even blood relatives - people smiling in your face!) Who feels like turning the other cheek? Who will give away their good stuff to someone in need? Who enjoys doing for somebody who can't repay us in kind? (the panhandler, or the mooching friend) Who really forgives someone who continuously does stupid stuff? (yet asks for forgiveness) And who, off the top, really thinks they should work things out with an adulterous spouse? (when folks are divorcing for far less offenses)

Well, if anyone can say, "Oh, piece of cake"... you prevaricate hugely!!(snap out of it!)  The truth is, when we studied this love thing, we realized how desperately we needed the Power of God to even approach the thought  to have the desire to love and forgive those who look at us sideways, less known those who have done us wrong. What a growth spurt we experienced! From intellectually grasping the concept, to being real and honest with ourselves, sharing our issues, praying with and for one another as we moved through week after week, practically applying  love principles we were studying. We have accountability. First to our God, and then, to each other.

I led out in the love study. And as it happens, whenever we utilize the Word of God, we find ourselves going into other topics of study. We're all over the Bible, here a little, there a little. A month ago, one of the members felt the need to explore the all encompassing area of faith, and she is leading out in the study. Faith, the very foundation of what is necessary for us to believe and trust spiritual promises we hold dear. Most of us are control freaks, unwilling to give up our grip on what we think we have power over. So, the idea of trusting what we cannot see is...a humungous mental leap. Our study for the rest of the year, is faith; how to increase it. (when we add love into the equation...love for a God who first loved us, we find we have to have faith to believe that step first) It is interconnected as we are, and we are here as the expressions of Love, in the flesh, on this plane.

These are my thoughts, but I dare not end without sharing Scripture. (as the late, great Bro Wynn used to say, "I don't have an opinion. It's about what God says.") On the matter of the Power that helps us know and do and be/perform what is Truth, I submit John 16:13 and 1 John 2:27. And God's love, gift and promise to those who trust and believe are bound in the popular memory verse found in John 3:16-18 and I'll add, 1 John 4:19 (I love it!). The "Hall of Faith", found in Hebrews 11, is an excellent historical view of the patriarchs, prophets and everyday people who exercised extraordinary faith in the promises that they didn't even live to see fulfilled in their lifetimes. Yet their examples are there for us to read, pray about, internalize, and build our faith and hope. For we walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7) This is the goal, by the Power of the Holy Spirit. In the chapter of faith, in Hebrews, there are two verses that have my heart's full attention and is the number one prayer request on my list. I'll just let the Word speak for itself on this one:

It was by faith that Enoch was taken up to heaven without dying—“he disappeared, because God took him.” For before he was taken up, he was known as a person who pleased God.  And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

Hebrews 11:5-6, New Living Translation


I wanna please Him. And I'm thankful for the Bible study crew, their insights, prayers, and encouragement week after week.

My Hair - A very short, short, short story - remix

I wrote the following piece December 1, 2011- when I thought I was done with processed hair. Apparently, I wasn't. It was the same old love/hate relationship I've had with my hair style choices for many, many years. And after two years of wrestling with the relaxer - I'm going back to my roots. As I've told friends, "I'm happy going nappy." My workout schedule and lifestyle changes are not conducive to chemicals and having to fuss with keeping that sleek appearance. I just needed to find a way to make it all work, and still feel confident about the head. Plus, I have to keep things consistent, as I am a strong advocate for natural - everything!

June, 2016 - Today 

This is me - all the way back!

 

This was me - on my way back to my roots

December, 2015 - happy going (back) nappy

I was going through my "stats" here on the blog the other day, and saw that this post had several 'hits'. I thought, this would be a great time to update readers about my choice.

I'm feeling free, and looking good! I'll not go back to the heat of the chemicals or the flatiron. Natural I came into this world,
and I'll be natural until I leave here!








MY HAIR, A VERY SHORT, SHORT, SHORT STORY

So, as of about a month ago, I realized that I wasn't wrong after all. I am NOT a "grand diva" (one who goes to the beauty shop every week)...nor am I a "diva" (every other week). Matter of fact, my hairstylist has to call ME to remind me about touch ups! It's just a fact and I'm not going to force what doesn't fit.

Hair crack (relaxer), 2011

My style is natural hair. But for about 10 months, I tried the relaxed look. Short, sassy... suave swagger swoosh with a tapered back and soft, feminine line at the neck. My former profile pic on this blog (above) was the beginning phase of my new do last December . A little boyish, but - you know, I'm not the glamor queen.

Well, I'm over it. Again. I've been having this love-hate relationship with relaxed styles for 40 something years! The press and curl was a fave style in the 80s because the beauticians learned how to turn their wrists just right with those hot combs and curling irons - and you couldn't tell it was a press job! Just that, it still wasn't moisture friendly!

I love walking in the rain with my natural hair! Sudden showers don't faze me a bit. (walking in the rain with a relaxer meant I had to make an emergency visit to my stylist! UGH!) I'm NOT good with the tools of the trade so whenever I decided to relax - I knew I'd be coughing up the funds to stay chic about the head.

Did I mention that I'm over it? Yes. One evening after work, I told my daughter to get the scissors and cut all the relaxed ends off my hair. BAM!  A devout proponent of natural hair/care, she did a wonderful job...sculpted my extra kinky locks into a little afro. I felt like myself again. With her help, I went to the beauty supply store and purchased a couple of items I never thought I'd buy! WIGS! My daughter informed me that wigs are one of the forms of protective hairstyles while natural hair is in "recovery". (I learned there's also extension braiding, cornrowing, and even weaves!!) Braids are not my look, never had them. My mother cornrowed my hair when I was a small child - no thanks. Weaves - well, the jury is out on them. I'd need to pay serious dollars to a VERY reputable stylist - and the style would have to match me. SHORT and to the point. Not now. (maybe not ever)

The wigs are working for the time being during this transition. And they photograph well, don't they? - Betcha didn't even know! Check my current blog pic - (only my hairstylist knows for sure!) They are believable because they look like my relaxed style. I'm not one to go crazy and get a long haired wig...or something blond or radical. I don't do Halloween. I let my hair breathe regularly, and now that it has grown out more, I've worn my 'fro out in public. Its reappearance has been met with rave reviews. I'm more gray, though. *one issue at a time*

Can't really say exactly what I will do as the natural hair continues to grow. A friend of mine said he's been noticing a hairstyle trend among some Black female writers... the Toni Morrison dreadlocks. I took that as a compliment to the Art..and that he would think I rate like that was coolness. (honnesstly!) I could probably do Nubian Knots. My eldest daughter rocks some fierce dreads. She's a writer and artist. (could there be something to this?) I don't think long dreads is me because unlike many, I don't enjoy/wish for long hair. I don't even let it grow too long before I feel the need to chop-chop! In the meantime, I am caring for my hair as it grows back. Will continue to shampoo, condition and oil it as guided by my stylist and my daughter. They know hair.

Natural with my daughters - 2010

Hair crack, 2011

2010

"Protective Custody" (wig)

My comfort zone - just shave it off and be myself!

I do like my style options, too. I'll throw on one of my cute cut wigs and walk out the door with a quickness! I'm looking pretty good; my mind is at ease because, as I've joked to my girlfriends, my hair is in protective custody. (ok, you had to be there...)

Friends, A surprising discovery

I remember when my middle child, Angela, came home from Kindergarten and announced that she'd been selected to be another little girl's best friend. While I thought that was very cute, it occurred to me much later that even though the girls seemed to get along well, Angela really had not chosen her new best friend. She told me later on, "No, Mom! She came up to me, grabbed me by the hand and told me- 'you're my best friend'"! I laughed because my daughter looked so helpless...shrugging her shoulders, as if she just didn't have a choice. Well, I know that wouldn't have been the way she would have selected a new friend - but it turned out well. The two girls remained close, and our families friendly enough, all through high school. Throughout the years, Angela has formed many friendships, especially in college; and she keeps in contact with the high school crew as well. They remain tight and engaged in each others' lives.

Reminds me of myself, with one difference...I'm not in touch with my crew anymore. Facebook has helped me reconnect with some key friends from the past, which has been great. However, when I was going through school, I seemed to make friends very easily. (to be redefined later). I had quite an assorted collection, matter of fact. My mother always called me "the social butterfly." And the direct opposite of herself, as she was painfully shy and had no girlfriends in school. It was to the point where, when I got married, I absolutely had to have ALL my girlfriends as bridesmaids. They were all seven of my "best girls!" And to cut the cattiness out completely, I chose my one and only younger sister as my maid of honor. Nobody could argue with that.

As the years rolled by, life happened and I've lost touch with a few of my girls. We would sometimes weave in and out of contact because of a social gathering of mutual friends, but for the most part - we went our separate ways. I'd find new friends on jobs, and we'd hang pretty tough, even after moving on to other employment opportunities...but just like high school and college... a job brings people together who might not otherwise associate with one another. And after that experience is over, many times, so is the friendship.

I've learned something about this friendship thing, however. In order to have friends, you must cultivate relationships. One of my running buddies from back in the party era, confronted me, telling me that I wasn't a good friend because I didn't pay attention... I wasn't present. There were times when I just wasn't available. She said I let her down and that wasn't a good friend. (I had moved to another city and it was hard to make plans to hang out...I was married, she was single....things had changed). Obviously, she and I had very little in common anymore, but what she said about my not being a good friend, stuck with me. And I began to pay attention to how I interacted with people. I have to say that my first successful attempt at being a true friend happened unexpectedly over about 5 years of having the same "desk mate" at work. We started kinda rocky - I had to figure out whether or not I liked her brand of sarcasm, and she had to decide if I was genuine or fake. We gradually found that we were more alike than not, and grew very protective of one another. It was wonderful to have a co-worker you could trust in an unfriendly work environment. (administratively speaking)

This friend from the job became my confidante, and I was hers... we shared, prayed, rejoiced, commiserated and played together. She, too, discovered her voice and began to write. And it was she who encouraged me to publish my book of poetry - she even poured over the manuscript and "found the journey". This woman put it into the four chapters that became my debut title, "Come, Joy! Songs from the soft of night" (PublishAmerica, 2005) I made special mention of her in my acknowledgements. She was there at my book signings...she was my cheerleader, my real sista/friend. A down white girl...a devoted wife, loving mother and generous grandmother...she was all that. She's still all that, but I left that job and have had at least 2 more jobs!  We haven't been in touch lately, but when we have seen each other... nothing has changed except our ages...

With each work experience, I have added one special friendship who, indeed, makes up the "great ones" in my life. I wrote a poem titled "My Ladies of the Circle" (Come, Joy!) which describes the specialness of my unit at work - an unusual phenomenon; women who got along in the workplace. I've had some outa sight friendships with women, especially in my later years. It's now a much smaller, more refined circle. And I find that there is an assignment that I have in their lives, and they, in mine. This is probably why the circle is so small - the circle being the friends who are soul to soul with me.  I've discovered that everybody who considers me their friend, is not really my friend. That sound crazy?  Just that, people have different definitions of friendship. They still get it confused with the word acquaintance. And I have a bajillion of those.

I appear, at first and second blush (and maybe even third blush), outgoing, approachable, personable, caring, even. (this is what I've been told, so please don't get it twisted). But I know better. I know that I'd rather be home alone with my laptop, a book, and a good movie lineup, than out with folks who just want to keep from being bored. Today, I was commanded to spend time with a lady (who was also a co-worker once upon a time) - because I now have "no excuse". (I'm  a widow...must mean I'm lonely...??) To be fair, we used to have a pretty good relationship. But as it happens, she made choices that I didn't agree with, but still provided my support. That roller coaster existence weighed her support group down and later rendered her alienated from the fold. Now she needs to get out, she needs to have fun, and we need to explore what "best girlfriends" do together, now that she's left that no good man! Imagine my surprise! She thinks we're best girlfriends!!!!!! (or maybe that's what she wants to grow into) Reminded me of my daughter being chosen back in Kindergarten. She was very young, new at school, and though startled, she melded right into the bossiness of her new "best friend".

I have a choice. And I've had a taste of  how the crazy mix of time and circumstances, seasons, reasons and lifetime come together to grow us into teaching/learning relationships with others. People touch our lives differently, specially.. some, indelibly, permanently. There are precious ones in my life I've only met through the internet... who I call friend. My real friends ebb and flow with me, and have throughout my life. The person I call my BFF is a woman I've known since 4th grade; we were roommates in college...and only see each other once in a blue moon. But whenever we do, we pick up right where we left off and have a BLAST going down memory lane ... making new memories for the next time. She's supported all my events, I support hers...our families are still tight. We live only 30 minutes from each other...but if and when we need one another, we're right there. Another roomie from college holds that place in my life as well.  It's a heart thing, an understanding...an unspoken thing. No demands.

My self-discovery is this - I'm rather exclusive. And sometimes, reclusive. Maybe as I've gotten older, I've become more of an introvert like my mother. I can't help it...and I try to make sure there is balance; I will hang with folks sometimes. I can call upon that "social butterfly" if need be. The truth is I MEET PEOPLE EASILY, and my tolerance level isn't as high as it once was.  Friend. This "F" word means too much to me for it to be loosely utilized. So many people play fast and loose - with everything. (I'm sure I've been in that category once or twice)  These days, we need to be much more discriminating. As a rule I don't try to deceive anyone. I come straight; something that came with maturity. And my nature is not to ignore, snub, or be rude.  However, I find there are times I have to be firm, and I can work the heck out of being "unavailable"(learned that move from my father!). I'm old enough and reserve the right to indulge my idiosyncrasies... but never do I intentionally hurt others. (ergo, I love my seclusion)

Two of my favorite lines for people who call and begin to rake me over the coals for not calling them in so many weeks go something like this:"Oh! Well I am SO glad YOU called ME!"  ,and ,"I'm so sorry you're distressed. My real friends know how we do; whenever we feel the need to talk, we just pick up the phone and holla...no guilt trips necessary...and I'm glad you called." (there's usually a pregnant pause followed by some lame comment. But if they do call again, they don't go there with me!) Friends are important. And good friends are hard to come by. I've been blessed with a few great ones in my life. Two have passed away, never to be replaced. And those who remain are the genuine article. It is a pleasure to serve them in love in the same manner. Everybody just can't fill that spot!

the unspeakable things

for Rufus Lamont Wynn, my dearly departed husband

here i am at the edge of yet another season
almost seven have passed since he closed his eyes
in the long sleep of death

my love... the one who embraced life so hard
that everyone in the room could feel his energy
he led with his heart
and his mind was fierce, and awesome
his countenance, brilliant
because his eyes glowed streaks of amber rays
that pierced through dark places...
and he could warm the coldest soul
shake the stony ground loose

and help rebuild the brokenness

he was not tall in stature as men are measured
but his love lifted him head and shoulders above
the others

his laughter could incite an uproar
of uncontrollable shrieks of joy
tumbling down then swelling again
into side-splitting tearful pleas
of "enough!"

ahh, he was amazing!
a man of God
who followed in His footsteps
until the day he was called to his rest

there are days when all i'm able to do is reflect
in silence
because the years, months, and weeks
yea the hours i was blessed to share with him
were too wonder filled to mention

my cup runneth over in this moment
and i am thankful for the gift of memories
only some of which i now speak

© 2011

Your Dirty Secrets Aren't Safe ....

Well, I should say, I now know things about certain people I wish I didn't know! Things I NEVER wanted to know.

We all know people who have done things in their past they're not proud of. WE'VE done things in our past we're not proud of, for that matter. However, I have to dub this year of 2011, "the year of slimy revelations!" While it is true that part of my job and ministry involves people telling me their personal business, and together we work through problems and issues - this is NOT that! And the people I'm contracted to help are not my personal friends. They are clients and I am bound to keep their business in the strictest of confidence. My personal friends and even some of my business acquaintances have been "de-cloaked" before my very eyes; and they weren't necessarily trying to let me know... But the pictures emerging are quite clear.

I haven't always been the most discerning person in my lifetime, but experience and dealing with people on the regular, have rewarded me with insights that come in handy when making important decisions. I'm thankful to God for the ability to "read" a situation; but I don't always make a snap judgment when I see questionable behaviors.  I take time to observe. I sometimes make excuses for the individual; sometimes I make allowances and try to reason things out. Unfortunately, lately, my initial instincts have been correct: "if it walks like a duck...."

We all have secrets, granted. I know there are things I don't want the public to know about me - they're just not for general consumption. But it's the pattern of our lives TODAY, that, at the "mature" ages we find ourselves, and the times in which we live, we should be mellowing. We should be growing gracefully.  And if we have religious/spiritual convictions, those characteristics should be evident in our lifestyles and the way treat others. So, I've been stunned recently, by the underhanded ways in which so-called Christians are behaving. These are people who are in leadership, have a wide area of influence, have businesses and hold the immediate lives of their employees and families in their hands. People who, blinded by their egos and greed, may destroy their own careers, ruin their reputations in the community, and trample upon the noble missions they set out to accomplish at the start.

And I'm absolutely too close to these situations. To the point where I've sought counsel  for clarity of my role, and continue to pray for these individuals (as I pray for myself). Oh, and if you are thinking that I could just "talk to them and appeal to their sense of fair play and common decency".... did I mention the word "narcissistic"? No? Well, if you do not know, one of the characteristics of a narcissist is... they do no wrong. There is no empathy, nor any genuine sympathy for others (though they may be engaged in community based and even faith based endeavors)... All things are done so they may shine in the spotlight; receive praise (and monetary gain). If someone else is helped along the way, well, that's nice. But helping others is not the true focus, make no mistake.

So, I would be wasting my breath trying to tell such a person they are going down the wrong path. Remember, they are NEVER wrong! And, I've learned. The Bible says what's done in the dark will come to light...or, more precisely in Luke 8:17 "For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light."(English Standard Version) I'll not tell a lie, I look forward to the day with the Judge of all will bring the cruel, heartless, money-grubbing blasphemers to task. These are the hardest of the hearts, because, by virtue of the fact that they don't feel guilt or shame, they do not see the need to confess, repent, and allow the Spirit of God inside to transform their minds!  I find comfort and peace from the Word of God, where it is written in many places that those who oppress the poor and needy, those who defraud their brothers/sisters, shall be dealt with! ( Deut. 24:14-15; Ps 12:5, 72:4; Prov. 14:31, 22:16, 22-23)

My prayer is "Lord, have mercy!"  My hope is that these colleagues, acquaintances, etc., who persist in perpetrating crimes of the white and blue collar varieties, will wake up out of their fog of pride and arrogance, and see the handwriting on the wall. Some are on the way to public shame, vilification and even criminal charges... (because when you misuse and abuse others continuously, SOMEBODY'S GONNA TELL THE AUTHORITIES!)...

Those of us who have respect for our Creator, Who is all seeing and all knowing, should be much more concerned with what He sees us engaging in, when no one else can see. We should care what He thinks about our behavior, our motives. We should choose to do the RIGHT thing when NOBODY'S watching! (it's called "integrity") Those of us who study His character and ask for His Power to draw us into an intimate relationship with Him, are free from worry about our secrets getting out. We're forgiven, and we don't do those things anymore, by His grace and might. So I pity the fools who continue on the wrong path, the path to destruction and ultimate separation from God.  They're not safe, neither are their secrets. And they're standing on very shaky ground, right alongside the enemy of our souls, who always gets his victims out on a limb, then cuts it off!

"There is a way that seems right to a man,   but its end is the way to death" Proverbs 16:25 (English Standard Version)

looking forward

...wish i could explain it
this stirring, this sweet agony
within me
the excitement attends me
every waking moment
and there's a certain comfort
even when i have so many questions
about where this path will lead

i'm full of dreams, hopes,
goals, and plans
i've learned how to give
my outline to God first
and watch Him work the details

...wish i could describe the absolute joy
i have inside
the beauty i have discovered
the precious gift of life
wrapped in complete
and wholesome love

i said,
i've learned to give my desires
to the Lord, knowing i
can't move without Him....

...wish i could adequately express this peace
that abides within me
though my heart is turning cartwheels
with each step i take into unknown tomorrows

i know my  feet won't falter
as the road ahead looms before me

the journey promises blessed companionship
(and i am looking forward)

...wish i could explain it

© 2011

August is gone! (....once a month, at least!!!)

It occurred to me, just because I have a blog doesn't mean I'll be writing things daily. Well, of course I knew this already, but somehow I'd wanted to have this prolific experience. Magically! It hasn't happened, and honestly, I promised myself that I wouldn't write anything mundane, uninspired, "pedestrian" (my mother's favorite word), just to be posting something. There is a certain amount of pride I do (still ) have in my work...my self.

The month of August is gone. There's one more day left. I've decided to just give a brief update on things I mentioned in previous posts:

The Skype Bible study is still going strong. We have seven individuals in all. Three of them are getting ready to get online with the  Sabbath/Saturday study; and one of them meets with me on Sundays. So currently, we have 3 active members, including myself (my son, Jonathan, would be #4) who have been meeting weekly on Saturdays since May. My son is back in college and is working on syncing up with us at 9 a.m. in his time zone. It was even more difficult for him when he was home this summer, because it begins at 7 a.m. in my time zone! We'll see, and I'm not holding my breath! (smile). And the young lady I meet with on Sundays has been enjoying our one-on-one sessions weekly since June. It's been such an enriching experience for me. The others have expressed the same sentiments. Our study has been on "love", and we're gleaning so much from each other as we share the lessons we're learning week to week, and how the Bible comes to life for us in our daily lives. 

The new believers Bible class for young people - a duty I recently accepted at the invitation of a Pastor/friend of mine at a church where I minister through music - is also doing well. By God's grace, we meet every Sabbath at 10 a.m. (So, I'm up early before 7 a.m. for the Skype sessions, then out the door by 9:15 so I can be on time for the young people at church. It's working!) There are about 16 young people in the class, ranging from ages 15-19. Most of them are recently baptized members, some of them were already members, or have been going to that church for a while. I conduct this class by the same principles as we do the Skype. We use the Bible to answer our life questions. 

The Pastor had initially asked me about materials I might need. I thought about this, and came up with two things:  1. a composition book (journal) for each teen 2. a Teen Study Bible (NIV).  A trip to the bookstore rewarded me with my decision on item 2. I own a study Bible and it is very helpful to me, but I'm comfortable with the KJV. Not everyone is; especially the younger folks, and ESPECIALLY young people who have never owned a Bible. The new international version speaks in language young (and old) can relate to, without detracting from the clear message of the texts. The purpose of the journal is simple. (and I have one, too) My hope and goal is to introduce personal Bible study to these young ones. Bible study that is not forced, but based on a developing relationship with the Lord... the God they have already promised to love, trust and obey.  These young people have brought many questions, to which I am bringing back answers from the Word. Answers they are able to check and read for themselves. And we have been having wonderful discussions; question and answer periods. Each young person will have an opportunity to facilitate, lead out, pray, etc., as we move forward from week to week.


I've already mentioned that my son is back in college. THAT was an accomplishment, as well! I take nothing for granted! We're very proud of him; he's in his junior year at Oakwood University, in Huntsville, AL - an Applied Mathematics and Engineering major. Next year he plans to transfer to University of Alabama in Huntsville for the engineering portion of his studies. I pray all goes well. My other children (the youngunz), are also doing well, by God's grace. My eldest, Ashley, is teaching English in South Korea, along with my son-in-law, Brian. They're enjoying it immensely and share their experiences on a blog of their own. http://129degreeseast.wordpress.com/  They work for the South Korean government in a program called EPIK (English Program in Korea), teaching in public schools. And my second daughter, Angela, is currently awaiting word about employment with the county, here in our area. She graduated from college in 2010 in Management, and looks forward to going to graduate school in the fall of 2012. I pray daily for the strengthening of each of my children in their relationships with the Lord, for their protection and guidance as they make their way through this life.

As for me.... I also have plans that I'm lifting up to the Lord in prayer. I ask that you join me in prayer to continue to be obedient to the voice of the Lord as I move from day to day. By God's grace, there will be more to share as we enter into September! (but I'll post once a month, at the very least!)

New Beginnings

waking from dreams full of the familiar,
the breath against my cheek
the sound of my name reaching my ears
on the last syllable (every time!)
the funny little snicker that would erupt
into full out laughter
the song sung a capella
the harmony, finally 


waking from dreams that keep me
tethered sweetly by a silken tie
to yesterdays and loved ones now gone
pushes me forward
gives me strength
brings me peace


and hope
and hope....so much hope

waking from visions that do their
nocturnal dance above my head
reminds me of things I always
want to remember
the loved ones with me now
this joy in the present tense
who I really am
and who I strive to be



and Who is guiding me
each day when I
awake

© Copyright 2011

Maudlin, never

I read the Poet's words,
his eulogy for a friend
well, that was the subtitle
otherwise I might not have known

the Poet weaved syllables turned
golden phrases, transporting me to
a time I had not shared with them, yet

I was there

As I looked on
the tears came, and welled in the corners
of my eyes,
stubborn...unwilling to run down my face
my cheeks burned,
the beauty of the words blurred
my sight, but too late to shield them from my heart

this beating thing within my chest
leaped out... more than sympathy
more like kinship...we'd both lost someone

for days I'd been struggling for words
to accompany me in my own time of grief
yea, in this season of mourning

sometimes not caring about trite expressions,
dangling participles and the like
knowing nothing reasonable rhymes with death....

other times, concerned my cathartic release
would be mawkish, miserable, and futile
impotent....unworthy of the ink,

But the Poet's narrative drew me inside
the final moments of the last time he saw his friend

and touched every part of all the things
I wanted to say

© 2011

Inspired by Poet Kalamu Ya Salaam