I choose my battles, but

I better say my peace...

Recently,  I received a friend request on FB from someone (else) I don't know. Mind you, I have over 700 friends- and if you read what I blogged about my stance on friendships, then you already know...



After I did my usual inspection of the requester's page and saw some mutual friends I respect, I accepted. So, why, after two minutes into this new association, did I get this inbox message about my celebrating Christmas (because they do not), and other such assumptions/attacks? (My mouth is still agape at this!) "I don't even KNOW you!"

Then I decided to do something I really didn't have to do. I took this person to task on the assumptions about my religious beliefs and offers to pray for me.  Those of you out there who are FB friends of mine, with the exception of my children, will know this is the first time I'm saying the following:

About 5 years ago, Bro Wynn and I decided we were done with Christmas. (I had started having "Scrooge-like" feelings even before that, to my kids' dismay) We had put many years and even more hard earned dollars into it - and our children enjoyed it every year. We enjoyed it, too; especially Bro Wynn! (big kid that he was) Around 2006, our home had its last great tree.(ours were the bomb for YEARS!) However, there are traditions surrounding this holiday that I still engage in, like the family get together (which is a wonderful, wonderful experience every year at my cousins'). But Christmas as the birthday of Jesus Christ - NOT! (the "Christmas story" in the New Testament did not take place in December! Yeah, I'm a literal daughter-of-a-gun!) And Christmas as the commercial feeding frenzy of  masses upon masses of two-legged lemmings - ABSOLUTELY NOT! Can't participate! My study of the Bible and the Hebraic roots that have been muted by modern Christianity- rewarded me with the knowledge that the most legitimate celebration at this time of year is Chanukah. Nothing to do with Christ's birth, mind you - yet significant because of what it does represent.(a wonderful miracle!)  One would have to look in 1&2 Maccabees to discover this, which ties to prophecies in Daniel 8. Then there is the fact that Jesus Himself celebrated it along with all the other Jews ( hence, a long established holy day): the  feast of the dedication, mentioned in John 10:22-23. 

All of the above constitutes how, over time, I became underwhelmed by the celebration of Christmas. Yet I do not celebrate Chanukah. I simply gained knowledge about this holiday and have respect for it. I'm hoping this lets people know that while I enjoy the warm fuzzies that occur at this time of year, my favorite holiday of all is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, which is far, far removed from pilgrims, native Americans and has zero to do with me or my people (the blacks).  Still, Thanksgiving is a holiday with rich meaning for many families.  I'm saying I like the ambiance, the great food, the family gatherings... but you won't hear me wish anyone "Merry Christmas". I will say, "Happy holidays!" or "Seasons' greetings" or "Blessings to you and yours this holiday season", because we've got about three holidays going on during this time, right? Plus, I genuinely wish good will toward wo/men. I wish that for all of us year round. Yeah, I'm probably being a bit of a pill about my non-use of the word "Christmas", but you gotta also know that when "they" started using the "X" instead of spelling out "Christ" - it didn't offend me.(though I understand why Christians who love this holiday are offended by "Xmas")  I'm saying I'm cool with the celebration of Kwanzaa. I'm also saying I am supportive of families who start their own traditions and pass them down throughout their generations. I support people's embrace of what these holidays mean to them - not what merchants dictate...

I'm saying that I'm not here to foist my beliefs on anyone. And I'm hoping that above all, you know I'm about learning more, growing more and sharing MORE LOVE!!

Peace, joy and crazy love be yours in the new year!







 

Pictures I thought I'd lost...et cetera

Well, now I'm kinda inspired to finish at least one of my incomplete manuscripts!

It was a thrill to have a book signing at my local B&N almost six years ago!  The month of my 50th birthday had been a busy time in 2006. I was quite the local celeb; in newspapers and all that jazz! Talk about your 15 minutes of fame - it was a dream I NEVER had! I've been writing in fits and starts since then; at times I'd get frustrated by that. Then it occurred to me that I won't publish again until I have something of importance to say. Much as I like to talk, I'm not crazy enough to think everything I write is of interest to folks, or good for public consumption....

However, as Bob Marley and the Wailers said, "I've got so much things to say!" (always loved that song!)  My magnum opus (at least in my mind) is titled Hosea's Wife, a novel.  I've been plotting, outlining, planning, thinking, dreaming, and scribbling it out for almost 10 years! I'm totally getting that it takes a LOT OF DISCIPLINE to write a novel. (oy vey, that's so not me!) Then there's a collection of short short stories and poems that belong to The Woman in My Attic - 12 years in the making and counting. I've got an unfinished manuscript titled This October - a very special piece about and for women... "the sisterhood" of us. (I posted an excerpt from it on this blog called I Am My Sister's Keeper). I think men might find it beneficial, too. And then there's a children's book with Penny's Worth as the working title. There's a short, short story completely finished titled, The Taste of Sin - it is being considered for inclusion in an anthology. I have a few other poems that are published in anthologies and quite a few throughout the internet, under my former screen name, Alyce. So, yeah, I've got a lot stuff from 10-12 years ago that I rather flippantly posted online (poetry websites, etc.), and even more unfinished business in the works. I have no idea if they will ever see the light of day.

Come, Joy! (PublishAmerica, 2005) is a collection of poems that had been written over a period of seven years. It emerged from a time of intense inspiration. I didn't set out to publish it as a body. However, at the urging of other writers to publish, I found that the body was there already. And as I posted in another place, one of my girlfriends, Gay Johnston, found the journey. I simply gathered together about 70 poems that were speaking to me in clear, distinct ways, and gave them to her. I even added a poem that I didn't think belonged with the rest, and told her there was one that I felt was out of place without saying which one it was. After about a week, she met with me and showed me four categories/chapters she found. Sure enough, she also identified the poem that didn't fit!

It was a beautiful, busy time, that year 2005-2006. Doing the work , as I'd heard Maya Angelou say in an interview years ago, was all important. Getting the work done... became my reward, my joy. If I never wrote another word, or published another book - I did the work! I got it done. Writing is indeed something I enjoy, but I'm not good with deadlines,  I tried my hand at freelance journalism with online and traditional newspapers. Very grateful for the experiences, but I know I'm better writing as the Spirit moves. I'll wait for the divine directive to publish again as well.

I'm gonna sign off  now, and share these pics I found tucked away in a file I thought I'd lost....

Kinda makes me want to finish at least one of my incomplete manuscripts! As you can see by all my teeth, I was a happy gal! Kinda makes me want to do it again...

 The cupcakes were for my birthday! March 21, 2006 - the big 5-0!

 My nieces, Kelsey and Shelby! Built in fans!

 That's Gay Johnston, the one who found the journey!

 Signin and sellin!

 My BFF Renee on the right, and her Mom, Barbara K. Supporting a sister!

Sharing a little bit from the book... as Shelby comes from the stacks!

The Legacy of Purity - repost

Had the most amazing conversation with a young woman the other day. She's a wife, mother of three, married for 10 years; and as it often happens, she opened up to me about her life. ( and, I wasn't even getting paid to listen!!!!)

Well this young lady, (let's call her Elise), is a believer.  At the outset she asked me if I believe in God, to which I said "yes". She was thorough, too, because she then asked, "Ok, that's good. But do you believe in Jesus Christ?" I gave her a knowing smile and answered her, again, in the affirmative. (there do be a difference, don'tchaknow)

Elise began sharing her faith with me, discussing family values and what she and her husband are teaching their children. I found her conversation refreshing; I mean, she's in her mid-thirties and upholds principles that today's society looks upon as old fashioned, out dated and irrelevant. Truth be told, a great deal of society's moral standards (or lack of same) have crept into "churchianity".(which, by definition of my new fave term, explains the decline)

Anyway, we were flowing, touching and agreeing on spiritual topics, when she proudly announced that she had been a virgin when she got married. I was flabbergasted (ok, maybe that's too over-the-top - but I was happily surprised, to say the least). And as I was gathering myself to respond, she went on to say that her mother and father had also saved themselves for marriage, as did her mother's mother and father, before that! I was appropriately "WOWed!" And I congratulated her for recognizing the significance of doing so.

I've always believed that the Lord really knew what He was doing when He created such a beautiful gift for humankind. It is a sacred thing, that, unfortunately, has become so common and unspecial today, that people completely miss how awesome sexual intimacy between two people truly is, who are committed to the long haul!

Elise understood the specialness of her promise to God to present herself pure and untouched, to her husband. She said she can see the difference it makes when looking at friends and others around her - with so many premarital sexual experiences weighing on people's emotions, psyches, and impacting their physical/medical well being. She said she and her husband are enjoying better sex than most of their friends (based on unsolicited testimonies - you know how women talk, good or bad, we talk!) And she's excited because she knows that intimacy, of which sex is just a small part, will only get better as the years go by. (I had to second that emotion!)

They will pass their legacy of purity on to their children, sharing their belief in God's plan for His people. And I can tell it won't be a hell fire and brimstone sermon...there's no need for that. There's plenty of Scripture to support the wise admonishing and loving counsel God has given to ensure that His children experience that abundant life Jesus spoke about in John 10:10.

I was pleased, impressed, and proud to make Elise's acquaintance. Thought I'd pass it on to you...

I wanna know - repost

I was talking with one of my (actual) girlfriends the other night about the very real, very crazy phenom that seems to be cropping up more and more... LOVELESS, FRIGID SISTAS who are MARRIED and DON'T EVEN LIKE THEIR HUSBANDS! And these are decent, hard working brothas who do what most women would LOVE their men to do.

I am hypersensitive to this topic. My thing is - you betta cherish the love while you have it ... you may not have tomorrow.

I know of a brotha who said  he didn't play his  music in the house when his wife was home because she doesn't like music! I thought he was lying! But let me back up. Here he was, husband, father, educated (doctorate degrees and stuff), with their three children one Friday doing chores, getting the house ready for Shabbat. Mother, business owner, was still at work. And the music was flowing, the children were happily busy and humming along to the music of my youth, when I stopped by to drop some things off. It was a warm experience for me those short moments I was there. And when I remarked that he was raising his kids right (as I always say when the younguns know something about REAL music) - that's when he told me he can't play it when his wife is home. Now, that's a foreign concept to me - coming from a musical family as I did, and having music in my home with my late husband and our kids. For me, this was a serious red flag. And I was right. Longer story short - turns out that's not all the wife didn't like in her house. They're now separated and divorce is eminent. Children are doing the back and forth shuffle between two houses.  Smh...

In another strange account, a sista confided that she doesn't even know why she got married. She doesn't like sex; she can't stand for her husband to touch her. This sista actually rolled her eyes and moved away from her husband when he tried to hold her hand in church!! And this husband is one of the most attentive, gentle souls you ever want to meet! He built a home gym on their property for her - out of which she was running fitness classes. It was widely noticed how she would belittle her husband whenever he came around. He's a jovial guy, and enjoyed joking around with the other men who were in the class. His wife was always telling him to leave, that he was disrupting the sessions. Being a fitness buff himself, he would sometimes stay....and suffer criticism after criticism.  It was clear that he was in HER world whenever he stepped foot in that fab home gym. This sista has made it clear that she's not leaving that gym for anything - she put too much money in it! You also best believe they live like roommates sharing space (but not a bed) in the house! Smh...

These stories can be corroborated. This isn't fiction. And from what I understand, there are more and more sistas out there whose men are under appreciated. Prime catches for "the clean up woman". These men happen to be strong men of Faith, who aren't trying to hook up with a convenient situation. They want their families.  But I  sometimes wonder where the real mates for these two brothas are. Was there a mistake somewhere in the cosmos? I wonder what quirk of circumstance and timing - what time-space continuum broke down to cause such a mismatch. How in the world does a woman who hates music (and forbids it in the home) get with a man who absolutely loves it? And how does it happen that an affectionate, passionate man mate up with a cold fish? But most importantly, why don't these women understand the gifts they are throwing away? There are soooo many, many, many women who would love men like these two, and TREAT THEM LIKE THE KINGS THEY ARE!! Smh...

God don't like ugly. In my humble opinion, God wasn't consulted when these folk got together...and He was never invited in by both parties even after the trouble started. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these men don't have  faults. But in these instances, both men prefer to work things out and are fighting for their relationships. The sistas are not being reasonable. Not even nice! It's so crazy because their complaints against their men are so incredibly weak! "He never does anything right," "He's too controlling," "He's always trying to touch me," (??), "He's so childish!" (My sistas, is THAT ALL? Do you not know how much worse it could be?? Shut up and count your blessings!!)  I personally cannot be around women who have good men, and do not appreciate what they have. I seem to repel women who mistreat and disrespect their men. They already know my stance, and they don't want to hear from me. I don't engage in, nor encourage male bashing. I don't support man haters, or women who must wear the pants and be in control of the household.  Smh...

I'm disgusted enough to hope they read this post! I hope it causes some serious introspection and much needed self-evaluation. What's really wrong? He always brings home the paycheck and pays the bills. He has NEVER cheated on you. He indulges your craziness; supports your dreams, takes you on expensive vacations, makes sure you get your hair did. The brotha cleans the house, takes out the trash, babysits when you go out with your girls, feeds the pets. Why you treat him so badly? Yeah, YOU!

Smh...

I wanna know....

And now, a word for my heavenly Sponsor

I thought I'd depart from the pedestrian ramblings of a claustrophobic attic-dweller for a moment, and update the readers on more noteworthy happenings.

The Skype Bible study we began in May, is still going strong. However, because of  technical difficulties we kept experiencing during our group sessions, we moved to another online venue called Google Hangout. Familiar with this?  So far, it's working very well.

We began our study on LOVE - the way it's supposed to look among believers. And we learned that the expression and practice of this type of love can't be performed under our human power. Who can truly love their enemies? (enemies...could be fellow "believers" or even blood relatives - people smiling in your face!) Who feels like turning the other cheek? Who will give away their good stuff to someone in need? Who enjoys doing for somebody who can't repay us in kind? (the panhandler, or the mooching friend) Who really forgives someone who continuously does stupid stuff? (yet asks for forgiveness) And who, off the top, really thinks they should work things out with an adulterous spouse? (when folks are divorcing for far less offenses)

Well, if anyone can say, "Oh, piece of cake"... you prevaricate hugely!!(snap out of it!)  The truth is, when we studied this love thing, we realized how desperately we needed the Power of God to even approach the thought  to have the desire to love and forgive those who look at us sideways, less known those who have done us wrong. What a growth spurt we experienced! From intellectually grasping the concept, to being real and honest with ourselves, sharing our issues, praying with and for one another as we moved through week after week, practically applying  love principles we were studying. We have accountability. First to our God, and then, to each other.

I led out in the love study. And as it happens, whenever we utilize the Word of God, we find ourselves going into other topics of study. We're all over the Bible, here a little, there a little. A month ago, one of the members felt the need to explore the all encompassing area of faith, and she is leading out in the study. Faith, the very foundation of what is necessary for us to believe and trust spiritual promises we hold dear. Most of us are control freaks, unwilling to give up our grip on what we think we have power over. So, the idea of trusting what we cannot see is...a humungous mental leap. Our study for the rest of the year, is faith; how to increase it. (when we add love into the equation...love for a God who first loved us, we find we have to have faith to believe that step first) It is interconnected as we are, and we are here as the expressions of Love, in the flesh, on this plane.

These are my thoughts, but I dare not end without sharing Scripture. (as the late, great Bro Wynn used to say, "I don't have an opinion. It's about what God says.") On the matter of the Power that helps us know and do and be/perform what is Truth, I submit John 16:13 and 1 John 2:27. And God's love, gift and promise to those who trust and believe are bound in the popular memory verse found in John 3:16-18 and I'll add, 1 John 4:19 (I love it!). The "Hall of Faith", found in Hebrews 11, is an excellent historical view of the patriarchs, prophets and everyday people who exercised extraordinary faith in the promises that they didn't even live to see fulfilled in their lifetimes. Yet their examples are there for us to read, pray about, internalize, and build our faith and hope. For we walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7) This is the goal, by the Power of the Holy Spirit. In the chapter of faith, in Hebrews, there are two verses that have my heart's full attention and is the number one prayer request on my list. I'll just let the Word speak for itself on this one:

It was by faith that Enoch was taken up to heaven without dying—“he disappeared, because God took him.” For before he was taken up, he was known as a person who pleased God.  And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

Hebrews 11:5-6, New Living Translation


I wanna please Him. And I'm thankful for the Bible study crew, their insights, prayers, and encouragement week after week.

My Hair - A very short, short, short story - remix

I wrote the following piece December 1, 2011- when I thought I was done with processed hair. Apparently, I wasn't. It was the same old love/hate relationship I've had with my hair style choices for many, many years. And after two years of wrestling with the relaxer - I'm going back to my roots. As I've told friends, "I'm happy going nappy." My workout schedule and lifestyle changes are not conducive to chemicals and having to fuss with keeping that sleek appearance. I just needed to find a way to make it all work, and still feel confident about the head. Plus, I have to keep things consistent, as I am a strong advocate for natural - everything!

June, 2016 - Today 

This is me - all the way back!

 

This was me - on my way back to my roots

December, 2015 - happy going (back) nappy

I was going through my "stats" here on the blog the other day, and saw that this post had several 'hits'. I thought, this would be a great time to update readers about my choice.

I'm feeling free, and looking good! I'll not go back to the heat of the chemicals or the flatiron. Natural I came into this world,
and I'll be natural until I leave here!








MY HAIR, A VERY SHORT, SHORT, SHORT STORY

So, as of about a month ago, I realized that I wasn't wrong after all. I am NOT a "grand diva" (one who goes to the beauty shop every week)...nor am I a "diva" (every other week). Matter of fact, my hairstylist has to call ME to remind me about touch ups! It's just a fact and I'm not going to force what doesn't fit.

Hair crack (relaxer), 2011

My style is natural hair. But for about 10 months, I tried the relaxed look. Short, sassy... suave swagger swoosh with a tapered back and soft, feminine line at the neck. My former profile pic on this blog (above) was the beginning phase of my new do last December . A little boyish, but - you know, I'm not the glamor queen.

Well, I'm over it. Again. I've been having this love-hate relationship with relaxed styles for 40 something years! The press and curl was a fave style in the 80s because the beauticians learned how to turn their wrists just right with those hot combs and curling irons - and you couldn't tell it was a press job! Just that, it still wasn't moisture friendly!

I love walking in the rain with my natural hair! Sudden showers don't faze me a bit. (walking in the rain with a relaxer meant I had to make an emergency visit to my stylist! UGH!) I'm NOT good with the tools of the trade so whenever I decided to relax - I knew I'd be coughing up the funds to stay chic about the head.

Did I mention that I'm over it? Yes. One evening after work, I told my daughter to get the scissors and cut all the relaxed ends off my hair. BAM!  A devout proponent of natural hair/care, she did a wonderful job...sculpted my extra kinky locks into a little afro. I felt like myself again. With her help, I went to the beauty supply store and purchased a couple of items I never thought I'd buy! WIGS! My daughter informed me that wigs are one of the forms of protective hairstyles while natural hair is in "recovery". (I learned there's also extension braiding, cornrowing, and even weaves!!) Braids are not my look, never had them. My mother cornrowed my hair when I was a small child - no thanks. Weaves - well, the jury is out on them. I'd need to pay serious dollars to a VERY reputable stylist - and the style would have to match me. SHORT and to the point. Not now. (maybe not ever)

The wigs are working for the time being during this transition. And they photograph well, don't they? - Betcha didn't even know! Check my current blog pic - (only my hairstylist knows for sure!) They are believable because they look like my relaxed style. I'm not one to go crazy and get a long haired wig...or something blond or radical. I don't do Halloween. I let my hair breathe regularly, and now that it has grown out more, I've worn my 'fro out in public. Its reappearance has been met with rave reviews. I'm more gray, though. *one issue at a time*

Can't really say exactly what I will do as the natural hair continues to grow. A friend of mine said he's been noticing a hairstyle trend among some Black female writers... the Toni Morrison dreadlocks. I took that as a compliment to the Art..and that he would think I rate like that was coolness. (honnesstly!) I could probably do Nubian Knots. My eldest daughter rocks some fierce dreads. She's a writer and artist. (could there be something to this?) I don't think long dreads is me because unlike many, I don't enjoy/wish for long hair. I don't even let it grow too long before I feel the need to chop-chop! In the meantime, I am caring for my hair as it grows back. Will continue to shampoo, condition and oil it as guided by my stylist and my daughter. They know hair.

Natural with my daughters - 2010

Hair crack, 2011

2010

"Protective Custody" (wig)

My comfort zone - just shave it off and be myself!

I do like my style options, too. I'll throw on one of my cute cut wigs and walk out the door with a quickness! I'm looking pretty good; my mind is at ease because, as I've joked to my girlfriends, my hair is in protective custody. (ok, you had to be there...)

Friends, A surprising discovery

I remember when my middle child, Angela, came home from Kindergarten and announced that she'd been selected to be another little girl's best friend. While I thought that was very cute, it occurred to me much later that even though the girls seemed to get along well, Angela really had not chosen her new best friend. She told me later on, "No, Mom! She came up to me, grabbed me by the hand and told me- 'you're my best friend'"! I laughed because my daughter looked so helpless...shrugging her shoulders, as if she just didn't have a choice. Well, I know that wouldn't have been the way she would have selected a new friend - but it turned out well. The two girls remained close, and our families friendly enough, all through high school. Throughout the years, Angela has formed many friendships, especially in college; and she keeps in contact with the high school crew as well. They remain tight and engaged in each others' lives.

Reminds me of myself, with one difference...I'm not in touch with my crew anymore. Facebook has helped me reconnect with some key friends from the past, which has been great. However, when I was going through school, I seemed to make friends very easily. (to be redefined later). I had quite an assorted collection, matter of fact. My mother always called me "the social butterfly." And the direct opposite of herself, as she was painfully shy and had no girlfriends in school. It was to the point where, when I got married, I absolutely had to have ALL my girlfriends as bridesmaids. They were all seven of my "best girls!" And to cut the cattiness out completely, I chose my one and only younger sister as my maid of honor. Nobody could argue with that.

As the years rolled by, life happened and I've lost touch with a few of my girls. We would sometimes weave in and out of contact because of a social gathering of mutual friends, but for the most part - we went our separate ways. I'd find new friends on jobs, and we'd hang pretty tough, even after moving on to other employment opportunities...but just like high school and college... a job brings people together who might not otherwise associate with one another. And after that experience is over, many times, so is the friendship.

I've learned something about this friendship thing, however. In order to have friends, you must cultivate relationships. One of my running buddies from back in the party era, confronted me, telling me that I wasn't a good friend because I didn't pay attention... I wasn't present. There were times when I just wasn't available. She said I let her down and that wasn't a good friend. (I had moved to another city and it was hard to make plans to hang out...I was married, she was single....things had changed). Obviously, she and I had very little in common anymore, but what she said about my not being a good friend, stuck with me. And I began to pay attention to how I interacted with people. I have to say that my first successful attempt at being a true friend happened unexpectedly over about 5 years of having the same "desk mate" at work. We started kinda rocky - I had to figure out whether or not I liked her brand of sarcasm, and she had to decide if I was genuine or fake. We gradually found that we were more alike than not, and grew very protective of one another. It was wonderful to have a co-worker you could trust in an unfriendly work environment. (administratively speaking)

This friend from the job became my confidante, and I was hers... we shared, prayed, rejoiced, commiserated and played together. She, too, discovered her voice and began to write. And it was she who encouraged me to publish my book of poetry - she even poured over the manuscript and "found the journey". This woman put it into the four chapters that became my debut title, "Come, Joy! Songs from the soft of night" (PublishAmerica, 2005) I made special mention of her in my acknowledgements. She was there at my book signings...she was my cheerleader, my real sista/friend. A down white girl...a devoted wife, loving mother and generous grandmother...she was all that. She's still all that, but I left that job and have had at least 2 more jobs!  We haven't been in touch lately, but when we have seen each other... nothing has changed except our ages...

With each work experience, I have added one special friendship who, indeed, makes up the "great ones" in my life. I wrote a poem titled "My Ladies of the Circle" (Come, Joy!) which describes the specialness of my unit at work - an unusual phenomenon; women who got along in the workplace. I've had some outa sight friendships with women, especially in my later years. It's now a much smaller, more refined circle. And I find that there is an assignment that I have in their lives, and they, in mine. This is probably why the circle is so small - the circle being the friends who are soul to soul with me.  I've discovered that everybody who considers me their friend, is not really my friend. That sound crazy?  Just that, people have different definitions of friendship. They still get it confused with the word acquaintance. And I have a bajillion of those.

I appear, at first and second blush (and maybe even third blush), outgoing, approachable, personable, caring, even. (this is what I've been told, so please don't get it twisted). But I know better. I know that I'd rather be home alone with my laptop, a book, and a good movie lineup, than out with folks who just want to keep from being bored. Today, I was commanded to spend time with a lady (who was also a co-worker once upon a time) - because I now have "no excuse". (I'm  a widow...must mean I'm lonely...??) To be fair, we used to have a pretty good relationship. But as it happens, she made choices that I didn't agree with, but still provided my support. That roller coaster existence weighed her support group down and later rendered her alienated from the fold. Now she needs to get out, she needs to have fun, and we need to explore what "best girlfriends" do together, now that she's left that no good man! Imagine my surprise! She thinks we're best girlfriends!!!!!! (or maybe that's what she wants to grow into) Reminded me of my daughter being chosen back in Kindergarten. She was very young, new at school, and though startled, she melded right into the bossiness of her new "best friend".

I have a choice. And I've had a taste of  how the crazy mix of time and circumstances, seasons, reasons and lifetime come together to grow us into teaching/learning relationships with others. People touch our lives differently, specially.. some, indelibly, permanently. There are precious ones in my life I've only met through the internet... who I call friend. My real friends ebb and flow with me, and have throughout my life. The person I call my BFF is a woman I've known since 4th grade; we were roommates in college...and only see each other once in a blue moon. But whenever we do, we pick up right where we left off and have a BLAST going down memory lane ... making new memories for the next time. She's supported all my events, I support hers...our families are still tight. We live only 30 minutes from each other...but if and when we need one another, we're right there. Another roomie from college holds that place in my life as well.  It's a heart thing, an understanding...an unspoken thing. No demands.

My self-discovery is this - I'm rather exclusive. And sometimes, reclusive. Maybe as I've gotten older, I've become more of an introvert like my mother. I can't help it...and I try to make sure there is balance; I will hang with folks sometimes. I can call upon that "social butterfly" if need be. The truth is I MEET PEOPLE EASILY, and my tolerance level isn't as high as it once was.  Friend. This "F" word means too much to me for it to be loosely utilized. So many people play fast and loose - with everything. (I'm sure I've been in that category once or twice)  These days, we need to be much more discriminating. As a rule I don't try to deceive anyone. I come straight; something that came with maturity. And my nature is not to ignore, snub, or be rude.  However, I find there are times I have to be firm, and I can work the heck out of being "unavailable"(learned that move from my father!). I'm old enough and reserve the right to indulge my idiosyncrasies... but never do I intentionally hurt others. (ergo, I love my seclusion)

Two of my favorite lines for people who call and begin to rake me over the coals for not calling them in so many weeks go something like this:"Oh! Well I am SO glad YOU called ME!"  ,and ,"I'm so sorry you're distressed. My real friends know how we do; whenever we feel the need to talk, we just pick up the phone and holla...no guilt trips necessary...and I'm glad you called." (there's usually a pregnant pause followed by some lame comment. But if they do call again, they don't go there with me!) Friends are important. And good friends are hard to come by. I've been blessed with a few great ones in my life. Two have passed away, never to be replaced. And those who remain are the genuine article. It is a pleasure to serve them in love in the same manner. Everybody just can't fill that spot!